


Bittersweet Is Virtue

by LadyArtsy



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout: New Vegas
Genre: Anger, Angst and Feels, Caesar's Legion, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Forgiveness, Honest Hearts DLC, Older Man/Younger Woman, Other, Plot, Slow Burn, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-06-24 03:21:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 23,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15621414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyArtsy/pseuds/LadyArtsy
Summary: A young woman who was once a victim of Joshua Graham's terror filled Legionnaire past, only knows his him as the murderous Malpais Legate and upon being trapped in Zion after her caravan is murdered struggles with an array of emotions and confusion as she learns more about the now War Chief of the Dead Horses as he attempts to find redemption and forgiveness.





	1. I

The sun had set, but the fires the raged across the crop fields illuminating the settlement in a horrific glow. My father’s big horners and brahmin attempting to scatter. My nine year old body lie under a fallen piece of scrap metal that had once made a piece of our barn. 

I tried to stay as quiet as possible, though tears filled with fear and loss rolled down my soot covered cheeks, leaving grey trails along my skin. I had almost called out when I saw my mother being dragged by her now matted golden locks to the center of the farm. 

The men our attackers were garbed in strange red armor and helmets, their voices muffled as they screamed at my mother to quiet her horror filled moans. They threw her at the feet of their leader; his arms crossed looking down upon her shaking terrified form. 

He wore a feathered helmet of gold that gleamed and sparkled with the fires around him; he removed it from his head and tucked it under his arm looking disgusted at my mother, as if she was a rabid animal. He reached down and lifted mother by the front of her dirty dress, her bare feet dangling. He spoke, a gruff but calm calculating voice erupted from his lips, “She is still rather young, she will be a good sale. Place a collar on her.” 

He threw her to the side as the soldier hurriedly placed a slave collar around her throat. She reached out for him screaming, “JOSHUA!” The man with the golden helmet stopped in his tracks. His soldier slapped my mother in anger, “How dare you speak to the Malpais Legate in such a manner you whore!” 

Before they placed mother in with the remaining women of the settlement on a rickety prison cart, he stopped them, “Bring her back to me.” They did so immediately a machete placed at her throat to make her compliant though the slave collar was more than enough, “Who are you?” My mother tried choking down her sobs, “My name is Charity, and I was New Canaanite like you so long ago. By God Joshua please my daughter lives, if you find her please offer mercy upon her!” 

The man was silent a moment at my mother’s words. He placed his helmet back over his dark brown hair, “I am no longer this man you speak of. I do not follow God’s will, I follow Caesar’s will and his will be done…place her in with the rest of the prisoners.” My mother screamed and sobbed as they placed her writhing body into the cart to be sold a slave. 

I watched as the man they called the Legate combed the rest of the compound with his men and these monstrous dogs at their sides. His boot crunching in front of my face, his beast sniffed my sweaty hair and growled. My heart was beating so fast I was sure he would hear it. 

I finally looked up from where I was lying on my stomach. The silhouette of fire made his towering outline glow a fiery red. There was no mistaking the piercing blue eyes of the Malpais Legate were looking down upon me. 

Fear ran cold through my veins, I had been found! To my surprise, he hushed the beast growling and frothing at my side and had spared my young life. He called out to his men there was nothing more to the settlement and left. 

...

I lay there until the new morning sun had risen. My body sore and slightly battered I looked onto the destruction of my little village. Mounds of bodies were still burning, acrid smoke rose into the air making me vomit. All but a few dead cattle were left. The little country home place my father had raised was gone, all gone. 

I turned to face the road that led into the settlement. The Arizona sun burning my eyes. My vision cleared and I saw crosses. Much like the one mother once wore around her neck on a silver chain. I approached the crosses, to my horror the men of the settlement were placed upon them. 

One of them being my father, the leader. I called out to him, “Daddy! Daddy!” His head hung low on his chest. His body completely limp, blood dripping from his mouth and ears from having been beaten to death. 

I wept, sobbed and vomited again from the stress and horror that surrounded me. I lay curled in a ball under my father’s corpse upon the cross. The sound of fires still burning and scarlet banners flapping in the wind. A gold bull, the Legion. 

I lay there for three days, hoping I would die. This was until a group of friendly traders from the Crimson Caravan found me. I was silent, they suspected from shock as they laid me gently in the back of one of their carts. 

Placing a cool cloth upon my sun burnt skin and gently feeding me. I just stared off into the sky above me. However, I did not see the sky; all I saw were those blue steel eyes looking into my own.  
Finally, a trader’s voice reached my ears as they asked, “Hey darling, what is your name?” I spoke, “Virtue, my name is Virtue.”


	2. II

Eleven years had passed since that awful day, my childhood and life forever changed. I never truly healed from the loss of everything I knew and the death of my parents. However, the pain had faded a memory and though it could rear its ugly head like an effervescent sludge in my brain when the Legion is spoken of in fear or awe, I lived and moved on. 

I sat filling out mindless paper work. I was going to be starting a new job as a caravan hired gun. A mercenary and guard for traders of the Crimson Caravan Company. Alice McLafferty watched me sign my life away from her desk. Her cold and calculating eyes watching me with her distinct grimace, she was all business all the time. 

She looked almost the same as when I was a child, though she had a lot more gray in her hair now and wrinkles around her mouth and eyes. I was raised without a real place to call home, traveling and trading with my adoptive father Atticus Freeman. The traders who initially found me dropped me at an NCR outpost unsure of how to deal with me, hoping the NCR troops there would take care of me and find me a home. 

This was not the case, I was one of many abandoned, orphaned and refugee children that wandered the outpost. I was shy and mute. A few troops attempted to feed me a portion of their rations; I was skinny and hid in a hallowed out Corvega just outside the outpost, they would leave their offerings for me outside the door as I huddled away from them in the backseat. The other children were wary of me, they thought I was feral like the ghouls that wandered prewar ruins who also forgot to speak and looked hollow much like my nine-year-old self. 

It was not until Atticus came to the outpost in look of work that he found me. I had wandered just outside the gates of the outpost in look of food. As I scavenged just over the hill, I heard the click clacking of pincers. A rad scorpion had its bloodthirsty eyes on me. I screamed and began to sprint towards the refuge of the outpost where an NCR ranger kept eye on the road for any vermin or threat. 

I was too far away for the ranger to see or save me. The scorpion was right behind me. I tripped on a rock and twisted my ankle. I screamed till my voice was hoarse as the scorpion’s poisonous tail lunged forward towards me. I rolled and it smacked the ground with a deafening thud beside my head. Just as it began to rear back to attack again, a gun shut rang out. Then two, three more rounds. The scorpion attempted to scurry away, but with a fourth shot and it was dead. 

I wept in fear crawling away from the carcass of the giant scorpion when a deep voice called out, “Hey little lady just stay where you’re at!” A middle-aged black man in a duster, jeans and boss of the plains hat came running towards me a rifle in his hand. My savior, Atticus. 

From that day on, Atticus a single man who was the leader and owner of his own caravan company Atticus Trading Limited took me on as his own. He never married or had children at forty-five years old and loved the open road. 

He taught me everything I know, how to shoot a gun proper, to hunt, trade, to survive. He is a warm kind man that instilled honesty and love into my young broken heart. I love Atticus and always will I just knew my mother or father must have sent him to me from the great beyond. 

When I had turned thirteen, Atticus was approached by the Crimson Caravan to sell his company. At first, he agreed to become affiliated and made more money than he ever had in his entire life. He saved and saved caps and a year later sold Atticus Trading Limited for a large sum crossing the dangerous Colorado River one last time. I remember placing my hands in the river letting the cold water run through my fingers, fearful it would be the last I ever could at fourteen.

Atticus purchased a beautiful apartment in the lap of luxury within the The Tops hotel in New Vegas. He was so happy, big city living suited him after so many years of living in the unforgiving wastes of the west. I was not so partial to the way of life he was attempting to provide me. One of safety and money. 

It was week after my twentieth birthday when I told him I wanted to be hired gun for the Crimson Caravan. He immediately protested, “Virtue that is an extremely dangerous job! You are the first and last in line for many of those traders. More mercs die than Brahmin on those roads!” I groaned like a child and plopped myself into the cushy couch of the sitting room, “I absolutely hate it here, I miss the open road and I’m so bored!” 

Atticus had ditched his duster and hat for a suit and tie now a days. Though he stilled holstered his .44 Magnum at his side under his suit jacket. His hair and goatee were almost all grey and his aging face sagged as he frowned at my pouting face, “Little lady I’d rather you be bored than dead…” 

I stood frustrated crossing my arms making my way to the balcony window overlooking the flashing lights of the city. Tears began to sting as I attempted to hold them back the best I could, “I want to live my own life!” I sniffed, holding back my tears was not working at all, “Also, I want an opportunity to really see New Canaan.” 

Atticus scoffed, “Little lady we’ve been there before, many times! Don’t you remember?” I ran my hands though my hair, “Just the outskirts…that’s where my mom’s family lived from before she ran off with my dad and had me. I want to know if they are still there.” Atticus sat himself down attempting to hold back his emotions, he was scared for my life but understood, “Okay Virtue, if this is what you really want to do, I won’t stop you…I promise.” He choked back his emotions as he continued, “You’re a smart, loving, young…but grown woman. Just come back and visit old Atticus when you can.” 

I ran over to him giving him a big hug, “I love you Atticus so much!” Atticus chuckled, “Before you go and sign those papers to that old crab Alice, you’ll need to look the part.” He drug out an old leather trunk from out of a closet. He pulled his aging leather duster and wide brimmed plains hat. He handed them over, “I don’t need them anymore I want a piece of me with you, wherever you may go.” 

Just before I left to pick up supplies and suitable clothing for the wastes, he stopped me. He slowly pulled from the holster at his side, his .44 Magnum he called “Marigold” and handed it over to me as well. My eyes widened in shock, “No Atticus I can’t take Marigold with me.” He chuckled, “I need to know you’re protected too and you’ve shot this gun and know how to handle her real good. Please take it.” I wept in happiness in the sincerity of this gesture and his words. 

I hugged him again tears rolling down my cheeks, my heart filled with love. He held me tightly in return, “I love you Little Lady, and watch you six out there.”


	3. III

It had been a four months since I began working as a hired gun for the Crimson Caravan. I worked for traveling merchants and caravans either independent or affiliated, but always a cut of my pay went to Alice McLafferty she owned my contract that she had the men and women sign to defend their property and livelihood from the vast threats of the wastes. 

The cut was large and I was struggling to stay afloat. The cut was to pay Alice for her time as well as my boarding and food during my down time at the New Vegas headquarters while waiting for another job. It had been a couple weeks since my last trip. A junk merchant had me join him to meet with a fellow prospector in Goodsprings. 

While there, the normally quiet town had been shaken up by a string of strange events. A presumed dead courier had risen from her grave thirsty for revenge. She also defended the town from the smalltime but growing gang of escaped convicts the Powder Gangers. Right after she disappeared into the dust of the shootout to find her would be killer. 

I thought on the courier sitting back at headquarters once again, doing nothing. I wished I could be that bad ass. I was looking at my reflection in an old rear view mirror. I used the mirror to brush my hair and to groom with; my young and innocent features glared back at me. My wavy straw blonde hair pleated messily down my shoulder.

My gray eyes framed by short dark lashes narrowed as I examined myself. A spray of very light freckles dotted the bridge of my nose and the tops of my cheeks. I have puffy pink lips that I have always hated; I never felt they fit my face at all. 

As I poked and prodded my face, wishing I had a scar there or a better cowgirl glare Alice my boss called my name from the main office. I immediately shoved my mirror into my pack and almost jumped from the table I was sitting at. I was elated; I hoped she had another job for me. 

When I entered the dark office, Alice sat alone at her desk. She had a folder open with my contract information in it. I furrowed my brow in confusion as she pointed at a chair in front of her desk, “Please take a seat Virtue.” I had a horrible feeling. Normally, if Alice had a job for me the trader would be sitting and she would introduce me, shake hands and finish paperwork before we went on our merry way. 

Alice sighed, “Listen, I know you’re Atticus’ daughter and Atticus and I go back a way. But, business is business and you are not making us any money. In the four and a half months you’ve been with us three…three traders have hired you on.” 

I was silent as she continued, “Now, with the cost of your boarding and no money coming into to cover it, you’re not worth keeping on. I wanted to take a chance on you dear, but it’s just not working out.” She then pushed a termination of contract paper towards me, “Please sign here at the X…” 

I took the pen in hand shaking, I was angry. She was making me feel worthless, lower than dirt. I had failed; I could not go back to Atticus with my palms open, though he would take me in less than a heartbeat. My anger churned in my stomach, “No! Please give me another chance; it has been only a few short months. People are just not used to me yet.” 

Alice’s stern face went even harder, her lips almost a line in her face at my outburst, “Virtue, it’s nothing personal. It’s just business, now sign the paper you’re no longer my employee.” I could spit venom as I angrily signed the paper. I threw the pen down on the desk. I rose from the chair clenching my fists Alice glaring at me; I could not hold it back. I lifted the chair and threw it across the room screaming. 

Alice immediately stood up behind her desk, “VIRTUE! Calm yourself, you are acting like a child. Do I have to have you escorted from the premises?” My eyes filled with fiery tears I spat back at her emotionless voice, “Fuck off you cold bitch…” I could see a fissure in the stone of her face, “That’s it! SECURITY!” 

The guards came in from just outside the door, “Please escort Miss Virtue off the property.” One of the two men went to grab my arm, “C’mon sweetie come with me…” I whipped my body away from his grasp, “Don’t fucking touch me, I’m outta of this hell hole.” Grabbing my pack, the men followed me to the gates. I flipped them off as they shoved me out onto the street. 

I threw a few rocks and screamed a while until my anger and disappointment faltered. I walked up the road a bit towards Freeside feeling I had nowhere else to go but back to Atticus a useless failure.

My tear-filled eyes lifted to see the lights of Vegas illuminating the sky brighter than even the moon, back to civilization. I then looked back over my shoulder towards the darkness and the unknown dangers the excitement of the Mojave Desert. 

I twirled on the heel of my boot away from Vegas, my heart pulling me to the unknown. I sat my pack down pulling my ancient highway map from its contents. I circled where the Mojave Outpost was located with a red pen and began my trek to opportunity.


	4. IV

My journey was pocked with inevitable wildlife interactions as well as a few narrow escapes with small bands of highway raiders I had finally made it to the home stretch. The desert sun was rising in the sky illuminating the monolithic statues of the NCR and Mojave Rangers shaking hands. They towered over the entrance of the Mojave Outpost as I passed under their grip. A place I knew all too well throughout my childhood and my life on the road with Atticus. 

I stumbled in tired and dirtied from my trek and went straight towards the kitchen and barracks that the NCR had open to the traders that passed through. The first thing I wanted before an actual shower and sleep was a fresh hot meal. I ordered some Brahmin steak and creamed maze with the very little caps I had left. 

I sat at a table in the back of the kitchen area and ate egregiously. I was starving; I had not eaten anything real in almost two and a half days. I had bought some supplies from the 188 Trading Post on my passing and had just finished off my last can of cram from my visit there just before reaching the outpost. 

As I took my cleared plate to the bar, I desperately wanted more to eat. I could still feel a pang of hunger after having just eaten an entire Brahmin steak! But, I needed work and to save the caps I did have for supplies that could be rationed over the course of a few days or weeks. 

The NCR had set up beds for wayward travelers. A few men snored on a bunk bed in the corner, though majority of the beds were clear. I was grateful; I rolled out my thinned raggedy sleeping bag on the top of the bare mattress and used my mostly empty leather pack as a pillow. I drifted into a deep sleep. 

I woke about six hours later. Night had fallen and the rest of the beds were now taken. The air filled with soft breathing, whispers and snores. I gathered my belongings and snuck out into the bar area. The barmaid was waking a passed out patron as I passed by heading my way towards the latrines and showers. 

An NCR trooper guard was attempting to stay awake; he was leaned up against the shower house. As I got closer to him, I recognized him he was an ex-Great Khan. Like many young men who did not want to be a part of the Khan lifestyle any longer, he left and joined up to service in the NCR. Atticus was on good terms with the Khans and often traded food for helpful medical supplies like MedX and Stimpaks. 

We met as preteens; he was a little older than I was and even gave me my first kiss. I remember him pecking me on the lips behind a tent when Atticus and his parents were not around. His name is Colt, just Colt no surname like many of the Khans. I had not seen him in almost four years. 

I shook him awake. His bright green eyes shot open and he stood at attention, “Lieutenant sir, I was not sleeping sir!” I giggled as he looked at me in confusion, a flash of anger flit across his features, “What the hell? Who the fuck are you?” 

I pulled my hat from my head revealing my dirtied freckled face. His features lessened in intensity, “Virtue Freeman, is that you?” I shook my head in response, “Sure is…” Colt scoffed, “Damn it! You have not changed one bit, you are still an annoying brat. What the hell are you doing here?” I held up a towel, “Taking a shower.” Colt rolled his eyes, “You know what I mean…what you doing all the way out at the Mojave Outpost? Aren’t you living the high life now in New Vegas?” 

I shrugged in response, “It was boring there. I want to make something of myself on my own. So I became a mercenary!” A smile drifted from my face as Colt sniggered and then outright began to laugh at me, “What, you…a gun for hire? You’ve got to be kidding me!” As Colt continued to bend over in laughter, I wound back and punched him in the jaw. 

He staggered back, “Ouch! Damn it! What the fuck Virtue what was that for?” I scowled at him, “Whatever…I don’t want to talk to you any more…” I stomped past him in the shower house. I was fuming as the warm water ran over my skin. The days of dirt and grime sliding off my skin. As I sat with the water pouring over my head I heard Colt’s voice echo to me from the entrance of the shower house, “Hey, I didn’t mean to be a dick you know…but I never thought in a million years you’d wanted to be a mercenary.” 

I was silent still mad at his mocking me, I turned the showerhead off and began to dry off he continued, “You wanna talk some more?” I wrapped my hair up in my towel and draped my naked body in a poncho two times my size. I walked out glaring at him, “You still haven’t said the magic words.” Colt scoffed, “What I’m sorry…” I smirked, “I forgive you.” he rolled his eyes in response, “Whatever.” 

After I gotten dressed I sat with Colt a while in the barracks. We caught up and talked about life. I was grateful to see a familiar and friendly face. After a couple of drinks I asked, “Is there any work to be had here?” Downing a shot Colt winced, “No…they closed off the outpost here to anyone coming in or out. The roads too dangerous and we don’t have the manpower to patrol and protect the travelers.” My heart immediately sank, “There’s nothing here…no work at all?” I buried my face in my hands attempting to shove my tears of disappointment back into my eyes. 

Colt put his arm around my shoulders, “Oh c’mon Virtue don’t be upset, I am sure you could find a few odd jobs around here to make some caps to get you back home.” I ripped away from his grip, “I am not going back home…” He then looked around the empty bar, “Okay, okay…I am not supposed to be mentioning this because I overheard it and well it’s dangerous. But you know the Happy Trails Caravan?” I shook my head in reply; Atticus had friends who worked with Happy Trails, “Yeah…what of them?” Colt sighed, “I shouldn’t tell you but…they have been using a secret trail up in the hills to get through Zion Valley into New Canaan, they get good money on their envoys there as they are the only ones who brave the mountains and shit. They are looking for new people.” 

I smiled, “Oh my god! Really! That sounds amazing.” My blood was rushing in excitement this was more than perfect! I was going to have an exciting job and they are headed right where I wanted to be. New Canaan where I hoped some of my mother’s family still lived. 

Colt marked their convention point he had overheard from explorers on my highway map. I folded my map messily and gave Colt a big hug, “You’re the best! I am so excited…I will head there in the morning right away.” Colt looked nervous as I started making a list of supplies for my long trip. Colt watched as I estimated my rations and how thin I was spreading what I could afford. 

He scoffed, “Are you kidding me you’re not going to make it there on that!” Colt was always a giving guy, surprising for the fact he was one of ten siblings and the youngest within a Great Khan family I am shocked he survived as long as he had within the Khans. He handed me two one hundred NCR bills. I shook my head, “No, no I can’t take that Colt!” He shoved it in the band of my hat, “I don’t spend a lot of money, it won’t hurt me none and you need it trust me.” 

With the money Colt had given me and the few caps I still had left, I had more than enough money for provisions and ammo for another lonely trip across the Mojave. I had packed everything tightly in my side pack and my thin bedroll over my shoulder I made my way towards the highway out of the outpost. Colt stood at the foot of the NCR Ranger statue having a smoke break with a fellow trooper.

Colt was somewhat handsome. He had a caramel skin tone and a dark five o clock shadow, due to his NCR soldier status, his once long black hair was shorn almost to his scalp. He had a scar that reached from his nostril down the front of his face to his neck from a knife wound his own brother inflicted on him when he was a toddler. 

He saw me approach and tossed his cigarette, “You sure about this Virtue?” I nodded, “I am more than sure. You sound like Atticus.” He sighed and smiled, “Alright, well be safe out there okay…there are some crazy fucking people out there in those wastes.” I gave him a hug, “I will be fine I promise!” I waved good-bye once more as I headed back into the barren wilderness of the Mojave hoping I would not be disappointed again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to whom is ever reading this fic. I really appreciate it. Just one more short chapter of the layout of the plot before Virtue is introduced to Joshua Graham. I am really excited and hope the fleshing out of the story is not boring at all...I just want the readers to get a feel for who Virtue is as she is not Courier Six and is attempting to find her own way in the Mojave. 
> 
> Thank you again to all my readers so far on this little adventure.


	5. V

Majority of my journey to the secret Happy Trails meet up point was uneventful for such a long trip. I kept hidden in the trails beside the highways. I wore my poncho over top my shabby tartan shirt and worn jeans. The dull reds and browns better camouflaged me in the pallet of the desert. 

Per my estimate, it would only be a few more days walk to the conversion point on my map. I decided to take camp as the sun was beginning to set after confirming the hours left in my trip. I had only passed a few people on the road during my trek, mostly unseen hiding in the trails used by lone traders or drug smugglers. 

I began towards the highway as the sun was setting; I wanted to gather some timber from a few Sunset Sarsaparilla crates that I spotted in the back of a prewar pick up. I found a crowbar in the driver seat of the truck and began to dismantle the boxes. 

As the sound of crunching wood filled my ears, my blood ran cold when I heard the metal slide of a shotgun being cocked slicing the cooling night air. I whirled around to see a man in leather armor, his face hidden behind a respirator mask. He pointed his gun up, motioning me to raise my arms. 

I did not move. He then hollered at me, “Bitch hands up, NOW!” from my holster at my side I pulled my magnum and aimed it at him. We were both at a standstill guns raised. He then called over to me, “Do you even know how to work that thing?” I was silent my eyes narrowing. 

He took a step near me and I shot off a round at his feet, “Fuck off partner, I don’t want anything to do with you!” He lowered his shotgun and acted as though he was going to back off. My gun was still raised in defense; my hands were shaking slightly attempting to keep the weight of the .44 in the air. 

As he went to pass by me, I kept the sights of my pistol on him slowly pivoting with his movements. He then like a jackal lunged forward and grabbed me. I was taken off guard and dropped my pistol onto the pavement of the highway. With a metal clink it scattered just a little ways under the truck. 

I attempted to fight him off as he wrapped his arm around my torso from behind me on my left. He pinched my arm to my side and pointed the barrel of his sawed off shotgun to my head, “You better stop moving before I blow your head off.” Slowly with the tip of the gun, he pushed my hat from my head. 

I looked at my feet. The smell of sweat, grease and something else putrid lofting him his skin made me nauseous. With a jolt, he lifted my chin with the barrel of the gun so he could get a better look at my face. 

I attempted to jerk away again but he was too strong and held me tighter. He placed his gun in a makeshift holster at his side and lifted his mask from his face, “You sure is a feisty little jack rabbit.” His face was dirtied, scared, dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep. His smile was yellowed with gaps where there was missing teeth as he looked me up and down. His eyes were the most horrible thing about him, crazed and emotionless. 

He wiped a bit if drool from the corner of his mouth as he spoke, “You’re a smoking piece of ass for a highway find, it’s been a while since I have had some nice looking poon.” I screamed and stamped my feet as he dragged me towards the hills off the road. 

I writhed screaming and kicking, but he just lugged me at his side like a rag doll. He pushed me against a hillside just little ways from the road I tried to duck and get away. Before I could, he punched me in the torso, the breath escaping my lungs from the force of the strike. My eyes filled with stars as he tore open the front of my plaid shirt, revealing my thinning beige bra. 

His disgusting hands were roving my body. His putrid mouth was on my bared neck and shoulder when I gained a little more consciousness back with the top of my knee I kicked right into his crotch. He yelped in pain, distracted by his crushed nuts. I pushed him to get past him and began back towards the highway and my weapon. 

He was right behind me. I knew he must have been readying to shoot me so I slid down the rest of the hill on my side. The sand and rocks gnawing at my bared skin, it hurt like hell but it was a lot better than a spread of buckshot in my back. 

I hid behind the truck on the highway as the rapist stumbled the rest of the way down the hill. On my hands and knees, I crawled towards my gun that had made its way behind the wheel of the truck. I grabbed it and stood up right he was just on the other side of the truck bed. I immediately pulled the trigger of the gun. 

The sickening “thunk” of a bullet sunk into his chest. He reeled back a moment hollering out in agonized pain. I shot off another round but I missed he readjusted himself attempting to ignore his new gunshot wound and ran towards me as he rose his gun to fire, his head exploded. 

Shock stunned me as blood spattered the side of the car and half my body. The corpse fell forward out of my sight. A voice then called out from the road behind me, “HEY! You alright?” I turned to see a small group of people; I could barely make it out but on the side of the Brahmin cart with them read Happy Trails Trading Company. 

…

The caravan guard ran towards me as I attempted to button up my shirt picking up my hat from the ground. I nodded as I turned to face her; she was a hard looking woman. Deep wrinkles made a road map across the top of her forehead and around her thin-lipped mouth. She examined me a moment and saw I was clutching my side, blood began to soak my shirt from the skid down the hill. 

She led me back to the cart where a few fellow travelers were waiting. I limped over and the guard abruptly asked, “What is your name?” I blinked a moment at her booming voice, “My name is Virtue Freeman.” She replied, “My name is Frances, I am traveling with Levi Barker and his wife Nancy.” Levi waved as Nancy approached me, “Honey are you okay? That man didn’t…do anything to you did he?” I shook my head, “No, I am okay. I just got some bad skid marks from the hill on my side.” 

Nancy sat me on the back of cart and offered a roll of bandages and a new shirt. I cleaned the wounds a bit with some water I had left in my canteen and wrapped my torso as the cart swayed down the road. I pulled the denim shirt over my head. It had simple but pretty cactus flower embroidery on the shoulders and shiny metal buttons. 

I offered Nancy a few caps for the shirt and she denied me, “Oh no, please…you’re more than welcome to it. You needed it.” I then learned Francine and Levi were prospectors for the NCR and had some items and salvage they wanted to trade in New Canaan. Frances was there long time guard and friend who had once been an officer in the NCR army. 

I then told them I was aware of the hidden trails in Zion and then to New Canaan and I was looking for work with Happy Trails. Nancy was quiet a moment as I bit into a strange but yummy stuffed bread she made with mirelurk eggs and cheese. 

Levi then spoke up, “Sorry young lady but I don’t think they are hiring anyone on right now. Especially a green horn like yourself.” Nancy slapped Levi in the arm and glared at him, “Now that wasn’t very nice! Just ignore that husband of mine.” I did not respond eating silently in defeat. 

Frances the guard then spoke up, “You mentioned you just want to get into New Canaan right?” I shrugged, “Well, I really want to make something of myself as a hired gun…but if I get into New Canaan I’ll be happy.” Nancy piped up, “Well I mean we’re headed there any way you’re more than welcome to tag along with us!” 

I watched as Levi frowned at the suggestion of his wife, “Nancy she will just be weighing us down!” I then piped up before Nancy could snap back at her husband, “I am more than useful on the road, I’ve lived on it my whole life! I can spot a deathclaw from miles away and I am a decent shot…please give me a chance. I will be out of your hair as soon as we reach New Canaan I promise!” 

Levi grumbled and mumbled under his breath, “Just what I need another woman on this trip.” Frances clapped and boomed a laugh, “So there you go! I am sure you will be more than a help on our trip Virtue. You may be small and young, but I see a spark in those eyes of yours.” 

I could not help but smile and hide tears of absolute joy as the cart I was sitting on creaked and swayed down the road to my perceived destiny!


	6. VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a longer chapter, I really wanted to start and get into the meat and potatoes of the story. I hope you enjoy this new addition.

We traveled for two and half weeks. To see the absolute majesty of the Zion Valley again was such a special moment. I remember traveling among this magnificence almost untouched by the horrors of the Great War with Atticus so many years ago. The sky was so blue and the waters so clear I thought I was walking in a dreamland then and even now. 

I learned a lot about my new companions, Frances, Levi and Nancy. Nancy as well as being a prospector alongside her husband was a fantastic cook and loved to sing hymns she was taught by the New Canaanites and old style prairie songs she knew from childhood. Levi though normally a sour and quiet man could play a mean hand of caravan and with a few shots of whiskey plays spoons with the best of them. 

However, I connected most with Frances. She was tougher than a gecko hide on the outside but it all concealed a large and loving heart. She took me under her wing and taught me a few tips and tricks of the trade of caravan guard. When she offered to switch night shifts halfway through the trip, I gladly took the offer. 

One night as I headed towards Frances’ vantage point she had made just beyond camp a meteor shower was flashing across the sky. I stopped in my tracks at the sight. A memory fleeting across my mind. My mother she smelled of sage and honey hummed a song as she looked towards the sky telling me all about the constellations and planets she knew of. Stroking my hair from my eyes, I smiled up at her face as she pointed to the heavens. She told me God lived in the sky and that he watched over us from his otherworldly kingdom. 

Frances’ voice shook me from my recollection, “Would you just look at that!” I smiled softly, “It’s absolutely stunning, you can’t see the stars like this in Vegas because of all the lights.” We were silent a moment just watching the phenomena above our heads. I broke the silence, “My mom loved nights like this, she told me God was up there somewhere.” Frances nodded, “Oh yeah, you told us your mom was a New Canaanite…what happened to her?” 

I was quiet, picking at my cuticles, I spoke, “The Legion captured and enslaved her when I was just a little girl.” Frances fixated on some grass where she sat. Obviously wondering how to respond, though it was not an unusual story among people my age, it was still a hard subject. She cleared her throat, “I’m sorry…I actually worked with a unit while in the NCR that specialized in intercepting slave convoys and freeing them.” Frances was quiet again gathering her thoughts, “But no matter how many I saved, I always wished I could have saved more!” a few tears escaped the corners of her aged eyes, “I’m sorry Virtue…” 

I immediately ran to her and landed on my knees at her side. I embraced her tightly, “There was nothing you could do for me. You can’t save everyone you know.” Frances hugged me back tightly and stroked my back, “You’re a strong girl honey, keep your chin up.” After Frances had left, I leaned up against a rock and listened to the subtle silence of the mountains. In my memory I could hear the gentle voice of my mother singing as I attempted to stay awake in the night. 

…

A few days later, we finally reached the outskirts of New Canaan midway into the night. The town was dark and silent. Frances pulled her hunting rifle from her back, “This is strange its way too quiet and no one has come to greet us yet.” 

A strange crunching noise and sensation rolled under the well-worn soles of my boots. I kneeled down and in the low moonlight; I saw a raw white substance. I picked up a pebble and realized it was chunks of salt. I lifted a handful and showed Nancy, “Look the ground is covered in salt.” Levi then took a sudden breath and whispered, “That’s a sign of White Legs.” 

In the dark, we heard war cries and chatter that echoed against the buildings of the town we had been spotted by someone! My blood ran cold at the foreign sound. Frances with her weapon raised hollered, “Show yourselves…NOW!” From the cart, I grabbed a repeater Frances had given me as a longer ranged weapon than just my .44 pistol. Attempting to swallow my fear, I raised the repeater and joined Frances at the front of the cart. 

In the pale light of the night sky, a small group of strange savage people appeared. A woman with what I hoped was red paint covering her features stepped forward. She spoke a foreign tongue and was from her motions and tone looked to be demanding we lay down our weapons. Frances stood her ground, “We don’t mean any harm we just want to pass through.” The woman barred her teeth in ignorant frustration and then raising her pistol above her head screamed like a wild animal. 

With that, a group of fifteen or more of the savages Levi called White Legs attacked. I immediately pulled the trigger of my repeater. Levi and Nancy began to back up the cart to protect the goods and our supplies. Frances took out a few of the White Legs with her rifle, as did I with my new repeater, which I was still getting used to shooting. This only angered them more. 

A few of the natives in the back of the onslaught pulled machine guns from straps on their backs. Frances caught sight of the weapons before I did as I picked off a few more of the murderous horde. She turned towards me and with her large hand pushed me in the middle of my chest to fall to the ground. I lost my footing immediately and fell hard onto my back as the sound of their machine guns ravaged the air. 

The plunking of a bullets searing flesh above me made my heart stop its erratic beating making everything go numb. Blood spattered my face as Frances fell dead beside me. The savages ran past our bodies I heard Levi and Nancy’s screams echo in the night. I lay in the dirt playing dead as the White Legs raided the cart laughing and enjoying their plunder. 

I waited until the sun had begun to rise and the horrific fiends had left. I rose like a zombie the sun burning my eyes, New Canaan was clear to me now. Completely burned, ravaged, and destroyed. No signs of life aside from the White Legs that may still be wondering within its carcass like vultures. Beside me, Frances lay dead, bullet holes riddled her back. 

In shock, I approached the caravan cart. Most of the supplies and valuables were gone from their crates and bags. Levi lay murdered next to his wife. The Brahmin was left alive astonishingly. I did not feel right leaving their bodies to rot in the sun after all these wonderful people had done for me. With a shovel that had been left, I dug in the hot sun graves for each of my new friends. 

After they were buried, I sat in the cart and sobbed uncontrollably into my dirt-covered palms. No matter where I had gone, bad luck had followed me. I should have listened to Atticus and stayed home, why did I even have a thought that I had enough gumption or bravery to be a caravan guard? I was only fooling myself; I am only danger to others and myself and it took three deaths to drive it home. Why did Frances have to save me? I am useless, why am I continued life in sacrifice of others? 

The Brahmin Nancy had named Bessy and Boots mooed loudly stirring me from an exhaustion and depression fueled nap. I still had a cart and very little supplies left, but it was something. I decided I needed to get back home; I needed to be in the arms of my father his comfort, his smile and love. I wondered why I had even left it in the first place. I bridled Bessy and Boots and sat in the back of the wooden cart as they lumbered along back towards the mountains of Zion. 

…

I had made it back to Zion within a day or two. I was having a little trouble reading my map as the land was so foreign to me. I had to stop and look for some kind of food or supplies. The Brahmin were excessively hungry and tired from days of traveling and so was I. 

I gathered berries in a knapsack and dug roots from the soil to boil and eat. Not far off from my camp I spotted a small clear reservoir of water. I threw a bucket with some rope to reel in water for the Brahmin. As I reeled in the bucket, I screamed something was moving under the surface of the water. Strange little animals I had never seen before. The sun reflected off their bodies in a brilliant show. 

From the depths of my mind, I remember my father telling me about the fish that dwelled the rivers and lakes of Zion. I watched as they curiously came to the service to inspect me when suddenly a terrifying growl echoed across the mountain. I dropped my bucket into the water making the fish scatter at the splash. 

I had drawn my weapon as I approached the cart and my camp. Blood ran fresh down the hill as I rounded the path towards the cart. A large hulking beast was hunched over the still writhing Brahmin, feasting on its helpless flesh. I stepped back realizing I was facing a known fearsome beast of the wilderness the yaoguai. My boot crunched a branch and it lifted its mammoth head and began to sniff the air. 

I held my breath; my lungs were burning as I attempted to escape quietly. The beast abandoned the Brahmin and sniffed the air violently rounding the rock that was my cover. With its milky bloody thirsty eyes, it spotted me. With a bone-chilling roar, it raised itself into the air showing it full abdominal size. 

I screamed and began to sprint for my life. I could hear its weight pounding the ground as it gained behind me, its breath and snarls filled with bloodthirsty intent. My breath was ragged as nature grabbed at my clothes and skin. I could feel a swipe of claws at my back, just barely catching the threads of my shirt. 

Without warning, I rushed through some brush in my path and coming out on the other side there was no ground beneath my feet. I began to tumble down a hillside covered in boulders and rocks. I scrambled attempting to catch the cliff side and get some kind of hold. It was to no avail, my voice was completely gone as I screamed I thought I was tumbling to my death. I hit the bottom of the ravine, my head cracked onto the ground and everything had gone dark. 

My eyes fluttered open still dark and hazy, I was being lifted from the ground. My body sore and battered. Through my static hearing, I heard muffled foreign voices that were speaking a strange tongue. I slipped back again into darkness. 

I heard the sound of water being tread and the same muffled voices, they sounded concerned. I attempted to open my eyes with all my strength but fell back into nothingness. When my consciousness arose once again, I was no longer being moved. 

The sensation of pain raced through my battered body and I moaned loudly from it. My eyes opened and I choked down sobs as my body screamed at me with pain. I was disoriented as a young woman with a shaved head and tanned skin shushed me, “You are okay, please drink.” With her thumb, she parted my lower lip and allowed a warm sweet liquid to fill my mouth. I begrudgingly swallowed and a warm soothing sensation began to pervade through my skin calming me. 

I lay still attempting to discern where I was. The smell of fire, dirt, and meat pervaded the air. Underneath my palms, I could feel fur and clutched it in fear. The young woman who was nursing me stroked my forehead and called out sharply, “Eh, Follows Chalk get Joshua…she is awake.” 

A moment later, I heard a gruff even voice direct the woman to lift me. I winced and moaned as she gently helped me to sit up and face this voice. My eyes cleared of blur and there stood a tall man in a lightly detailed charro shirt and jeans. A Kevlar vest over top his torso. 

Strangely, his entire body or what I could see of it was covered in white bandages. He spoke to me directly, “Young woman can you hear me?” My eyes met his and my heart drowned into my stomach, those eyes, those burning eyes, “I am Joshua Graham…”


	7. VII

My breath was uneven as my past flashed in my mind blinding me. Those same piercing eyes looking down upon me after sparing my life but murdering the entirety of my settlement and family, the fire, the screams. My lips quivered as he spoke again, “Are you with the surviving New Canaanites? What is your name?” My brain was firing off so many signals of anger, fear, confusion I could barely form a singular thought let alone coherent speech. 

My eyes were wide as my body trembled. He examined me a moment kneeling down in front of me. My eyes darted to his hand that was reaching towards me gently attempting to pull hair from my face. Without a thought, I slapped his hand away from me, “Don’t touch me!” A hush pervaded the group of tribals at my actions. 

He again went to reach for my face to take a closer look at me. My nurse held my hand back and whispered harshly, “Do not threaten War Chief.” My eyes watered as I watched his fingers push a few chunks of now dirtied hair behind my ears. I directed my sight to the ground when a slight gasp of breath escaped my lips as he lifted my chin to look directly into his face. His eyes seared through me as fiery tears rolled down my face to my chin absorbing into the bandages wrapped around his slender fingers.

He then looked away but before he let my face out of his gentle grasp muttered, “Charity…” My chin fell to my chest as he straightened himself, “Please feed our guest she has been through much these last few days.” As he went to walk away from me so nonchalantly I screamed, “You’re a murderer! How dare…” My nurse wrapped her hand around my mouth to hush my disrespectful words. I tore away from her grip and continued, “You’re the Malpias Legate…the Burned Man…a beast!” 

He was silent his back still facing me. He looked over his shoulder and responded, “Not anymore. I would like to speak with you alone when you’re ready.” I watched as he made his way further into the cave. The tribal nurse gasped as I went to stand, “No! Legs and body rest!” As soon as I attempted to stand, I fell backwards, my legs felt like jello beneath me as I crumbled. I was too weak and sore to stand, “Are my legs broken!?” She shook her head, “Eh, no. You fall from high place Follows Chalk and other scouts see you fall from cliff.” 

My nurse introduced herself as Sun Healer and that she was the medicine woman for the Dead Horses tribe I found myself company of. She poured me another cup of the soothing tea she had fed me earlier, “Please drink make you feel better…hungry?” As soon as she asked, a pang of hunger pain rumbled in my stomach, “Yes I am.” She crouched over to the bonfire not far off from where I sat; a carcass of some kind was roasting above the fire. I did not care what kind of meat it was. It could have been human for all I knew but the smell of it made my mouth water. 

Sun Healer cut a few pieces of the meat into a wooden bowl and scooped some kind of vegetable mixture from another pot over the fire over top the morsels. She offered me the bowl, “Big Horner and soup.” Grateful I immediately downed the meal; it was very rich and made me slightly dizzy from the freshness and heft of the food. 

Sun Healer had strange but beautiful tribal paintings across her delicate features. Her skin was a copper tone much like her brethren of the Dead Horses. She wore a necklace made of intricately carved animal bones, wood and feathers. I suspected she wore this jewelry to mark her status as medicine woman as the other women did not wear such a gorgeous display. She took my bowl from me after I had emptied it pouring more of the soup into its basin, “Why do you disrespect War Chief Joshua?” I took the warm bowl into my hands as she offered it to me. 

Taking a few bites from the soup she did not relent, “War Chief a good man, he teach us Dead Horses to survive be great warriors! We defeat White Legs because of Joshua.” Anger rose into my cheeks making them blush red, “He is evil and a murderer! He has tricked you somehow I just know it!” A few heads turned in the cave towards my outburst with not so friendly glares and gestures, “Shh! Do not say bad things, brothers and sisters will not like it.” 

I stared into the broth and my reflection in it though I could barely make out my features. I saw where large bruises had formed around my face and cuts as well on my chest and neck. I sighed in defeat, though I was grateful to the Dead Horses for saving my miserable life I need to get back home, “Sun Healer, I need get back home some how do you…” Before I could finish she nodded, “Yes, yes you must speak to Joshua, do you wish speak to him?” 

I was not ready and shook my head “no” in response, “I can’t…I don’t want to right now.” Sun Healer took my emptied bowl and gestured asking if I wanted more. I denied her offer with a smile; my stomach was twisted as my reality of being essentially trapped set in and having to face my worst nightmare was inevitable. 

…

I fell asleep after another dosage of tea administered by Sun Healer. She was a kind and gentleperson and I could understand why her tribe had assigned her the role of caretaker. Nightmares marred my sleep. I kept waking to the sound of my mother screaming my name and the vivid image of her begging for my life at Joshua’s feet. She had known him; he had even whispered her name upon seeing my face. 

Though I was restless, I had finally fallen past the nightmares and into a deep slumber. I felt sweat accumulating under my eyes and nose. The sound of birds chirping echoed off the walls of the cave. I pulled the fur from body and rose up, looking around I saw the cave was empty, the Dead Horses must be off working or hunting. 

The cave had reached an almost unbearable heat. I relieved my skin as I unbuttoned my shirt and rolled it down to my waste. The small breeze caressed my arms causing goose pimples to rise. I attempted to brush the tangles from my hair with my fingers when I heard footsteps. 

Hurriedly I pulled my shirt back over my body. From the dim light from the torches that were still lit in the cavern a tall figure approached. My lips pierced at the sight of Joshua Graham appearing just a little ways from me. He cleared his throat when he spotted me buttoning up, “Excuse me miss I did not know you were dressing.” I was silent a moment as he turned his back towards me, “My name is Virtue…not miss.” I was attempting to be snappy, but it came out more like a nervous statement. 

I watched as he folded and tucked a well-worn leather book into the back pocket of his similarly worn blue jeans, “Well it’s nice to know your name Virtue; I pray your wounds are healing well. Sun Healer has quite the God given gift of helping the wounded.” I did not want to make small talk, “Why did you say my mother’s name yesterday?” He took a deep breath, “I thought I was seeing a ghost before me, you look so much like your mother Charity, and you took me aback. God willing she is now with her savior Jesus Christ.” 

I choked at his words, “You killed her after enslaving her? She begged you…” Joshua kneeled before the embers of the fire and interrupted me before I could continue, “I did not murder your mother Virtue…but this is a story for another day. Tell me what were you doing in New Canaan?”


	8. VIII

I held my breath a moment in silence as he waited for my retort. I finally gave it, “I was hoping my mother still had family in New Canaan, but the town is just an empty husk now.” Joshua lowered his eyes from my face as he tossed a few small logs onto the embers before him, “New Canaan may be gone, but its people are not. They have gone from that place and will rebuild else where.”

My heart raced in excitement at this statement, but he continued, “Unfortunately your grandparents passed many years ago, your mother was their only child.” My lips quivered in upset, my already broken heart fell like shards into the pit of my stomach.

I looked away from him attempting to hide my emotions of disappointment and anger at myself. I could not help but let a choke of tears escape. Another plunk of wood hit the embers as he broke the silence, “Your grandparents were much respected in the community and your mother was very much loved by her parents and the people, we were all upset the day she disappeared.” 

I spat back, “You say that, but yet you enslaved her like an animal.” He lowered his head in contemplation, obviously thinking on his next words, “I cannot deny my past, nor will I do so. All I can offer is my remorse and apology in the hopes of to attain your forgiveness one day Virtue.” I again looked into his eyes. Though they still held a fiery intensity, they had a glimmer of remorse and a very striking sadness.

I then asked why he was in the valley, the Dead Horses proclaiming him a war chief and leader like a general of an army. He explained to me long ago he had taught them the ways of war and how to defend themselves, after New Canaan and Zion Valley was attacked he asked for their help in defending the land and a fellow tribe the Sorrows. With many battles under his belt leading the Dead Horses to victory, they proclaimed Joshua war chief of their tribe.

To my shock, he told the story of the courier I had heard so much about had come to the valley much the same way I had and had helped the Sorrows keep their land and allied with Joshua and the Dead Horses to defeat the White Legs. The White Legs my caravan and I encountered in New Canaan were remnants struggling to cling to their culture and will most likely die or join other ravenous tribes or raiders.

Now Joshua and his Dead Horses stayed behind trading ways of battle and protection while the Sorrows offer hunting tips and agricultural lessons. Making each other stronger and smarter whilst rebuilding and fortifying what the White Legs attempted to destroy in Zion Valley.

After our long discussion I wanted some fresh air and to get out of the humid cavern walls. I attempted to stand again, but my legs were still incredibly weak. I stumbled and fell. Joshua was immediately on his feet, I was embarrassed as he made his way towards me, “Would you like my help to get you outside?”

What other choice did I have? I shook my head in response, he then instructed me to wrap my arms around his neck. As I did so, he scooped my body into his arms as if I was nothing more than an empty sack. I held tightly to his shoulders as he silently carried me outside the cave.

The sun blinded me but the fresh cool air almost burned my lungs like a refreshing ice cold drink of water. I breathed in deeply, but also became enraptured of the scent of Joshua. He smelled a bit of sweat and musk with a strong hint of fresh bonfire like burned pine sap. I did not know why, but it intoxicated my senses.

My head was lofty when he gently set me beside a tree to lean upon; I was confused and began to blush when his attention was begotten me by a Sorrow that insisted he show Joshua his progress on a task elsewhere.

…

Confused at my reaction to Joshua feeling he was not the monster I knew of my childhood but vehemently keeping the image of the Legate intact, I picked at a pine cone enjoying the sun and the beauty of the valley.

I was almost scared out of my body when I heard the sound of tumbling rocks and debris beside me. Then a thud, I screamed and threw my pine cone at the body beside me, “Ouch!” The scout by the name of Follows Chalk that had essentially saved my miserable life rubbed the spot the pine cone had hit him on the cheek, “What was that for?” I covered my mouth, "Oh my gosh so sorry for that!" 

He shrugged it off and asked how I was doing. I lowered my shoulders and sighed, "Alive, apparently thanks to you! Thank you for saving my life." He smiled sheepishly and offered a quiet, "You're welcome." He then proceeded to ask me question after question on where I came from and how amazed he was I had survived the fall from the cliff, "I watched you run from the beast and fall, other scouts wanted to leave, but I said NO she alive!" 

Again I offered my gracious thanks when a group of Sorrows and Dead Horses began to appear from the thicket. In their arms they carried large amounts of timber and wood. They began to erect a huge pyre. Two large big horner carcasses that were prepared else where were placed around the fire pit to be cooked. 

Follows Chalk allowed a large grin to spread across his boyish face. Confused I asked, "Whats this all about?" He explained, "Tonight is the party for War Chief Joshua and the defeat of White Legs." I was silent as I watched the rest of the proceedings. 

The women were decorating and painting the children with extravagant jewelry and feathers. The face paint they drew across their young features were made to represent the bandages that masked their leader. I grimaced as the children played, miniature but innocent versions of their chief. 

After the children were finished, next were the men of the tribe. Working quickly as the sun began to set. I sat still when Sun Healer appeared before me. In her hand she held feathers and a necklace of what looked to be pretty river stones. She kneeled down and placed the necklace of stones around my neck and braided the feathers in my hair. I grimaced but did not object to the face painting as to not offend her after all she and the tribals had done for me. 

I smiled weakly as she clapped in approval at my appearance which I knew not. My heart skipped and I yelped embarrassingly when one of the Dead Horses hollered and hooted as it eerily echoed off the valley's stone walls. The rest of the tribals joined in by hooting and singing, rapping on drums and playing an array of homemade instruments. The sun had just set and a group of the best Dead Horse and Sorrows warriors stepped forward and lit the fire. 

The fire grew with the chanting of the tribals and the women began to dance about the flames, they almost looked to be possessed in their movements. Then a hush, Joshua appeared from the cave. Stoic he took a seat at the head of the fire. After he was seated his devotees began chanting again and hollering in approval at his appearance. 

I sat by myself by the tree and watched the strange "party" as Follows Chalk called it unfold. As the drinks flowed more dancing ensued. A few of the female tribals then bowed before Joshua and presented him a necklace. It was made of bullet shell casings and beautiful turquoise stones. 

He looked to begrudgingly lower his head as they graciously placed the necklace around his bandaged neck. It was a stark contrast to the black Kevlar vest he wore. He bowed his head in appreciation as the woman bowed away from him and continued their dance. 

I was a little sickened by their devotion and praise of Joshua. He was a monster, he kills, he is ruthless. But then again, he saved these people's home and their way of life. But why? As I contemplated my thoughts the crunching of pine brought me back. I looked up and saw Joshua looking down upon me, "Do you wish to join the rest of us, you must be getting cold over here by your lonesome." 

He offered his hand and without a thought I reached out and grabbed his fingers. With a lurch he forced me forward and up. I fell into his arms, his scent once again intoxicating my senses. He held me a moment allowing me find my footing. I was wobbly but standing as he guided me along his side towards the fire.


	9. IX

My leg strength had returned somewhat as I wobbled my way towards the fire. Joshua was holding most of my weight as he gestured towards a log for a seat with a nod. I stopped indicating I had accepted the seat in response. He then took my hands and lowered me there. I mumbled, “Thank you…” as he made his way back to his spot a little ways from me. 

I picked at my cuticles starring off into nothingness lost in my thoughts. Joshua was being intensely kind to me and seemed to be quite the industrious leader to the tribals. Follows Chalk offering a cup to me broke my trance, “Here drink!” 

I took it from his grasp and sniffed its contents. It smelled like an intensely strong wine. Smiling I decided what the hell, why not! I clinked the corner of my glass to Follows Chalk’s; he was confused at my actions at first. I then told him, “Its what you do during celebrations, a cheer!” He smiled and clinked my glass in kind hollering, “Cheers!” A big goofy grin across his face, obviously he had been drinking a while, “That is good um…gesture!” 

I took a sip and immediately coughed as the alcohol burned my throat. It was extremely strong and I did not drink often. Follows Chalk laughed at my reaction to the drink. I rubbed my throat and then holding my breath, I downed the rest of the liquid quickly. It hit my head almost immediately, causing the warm sensation of a buzz through my limbs. No wonder the women were dancing the way they were. 

I happened to glance towards Joshua whilst Follows Chalk went to retrieve more booze. One of the children offered him a plate of food. He placed his book face down beside him. The child obviously nervous placed the plate into his bandaged hands. With a sheepish bow, he scurried off towards his mother who was clapping extremely proud of his offering to the chief. 

My eyes glued to him as he began to pull back a few of the wrappings that encased his lips. I attempted not to stare, but I was fascinated. His lips slightly revealed in the glow of the fire. His top lip was thin but the dip of his cupids bow was slightly curved. His bottom lip, though barely visible was also thin but the corner of his mouth looked to have been badly scarred from his…punishment. 

Follows Chalk garnered back my attention, bringing over a friend by the name of River Runner a fellow Dead Horse scout. With a few more drinks in our bellies, we laughed and shared stories. River Runner told me about a time when he and Follows Chalk were just boys and been chased by two mommy Big Horners up a tree. 

The animals were so angry after they had been pretending to throw spears towards their babies they did not leave the base of the tree they had chased the boys up for hours. They both had to sleep back to back on a tree branch waiting for the herd to disperse overnight. 

I snorted in laughter when they told me their mothers both beat them within inches of life in their return because they were so worried they had snuck off and died. We shared a few more drinks and I taught them how to play red hands. Sharing in even more laughter as I reigned champion every few rounds. 

As the night progressed, River Runner had begun to dance and then disappeared into the brush with one of the Sorrows women. Follows Chalk halfheartedly danced as well with a few of the Dead Horse women. Apparently, the select women who were dancing from when the fire was first lit had to dance until the fire was just embers and the sun rose above the cliffs. This was an honored practice to instill long life into the tribe but more so the person being danced for, Joshua their War Chief. 

I was incredibly drunk and smiling to myself when I sensed movement to the side of my peripheral. I glanced over; Joshua had stood, and began his way back towards the cave. He was turning in for the night. When I got to my feet, a rush of drunkenness made me stumble but I was determined to follow him for some reason. 

…

In my drunken stupor I tip toed past the sleeping tribals within the first alcove of the cave. However, it was not particularly hard as they all too were either full of food or drink, or both. Leaning against the stonewall attempting to keep quiet I rounded the corner into where Joshua normally resided. 

My eyes clouded by drink I finally saw him. My face almost immediately flushed further. His back was towards me. His hands working fluidly he was unraveling the bandages about his torso. A portion of his lower back revealed to me by the lowlight of torches. Scarred and damaged just like the corner of his mouth I had spotted earlier in the night. 

My rational mind was screaming at me to leave, what was I doing here in the first place? He was a dangerous person and would kill anyone sneaking up on him like this, such a private ritual, “Does it hurt?” I spluttered out the question and gasped folding my hand over my mouth in surprise at myself. He stopped and looked over his shoulder towards me. 

I was expecting to see his eyes filled with anger, but they were calm and he did not speak or answer my question. I wobbled a little closer, “So, does your skin hurt? Is that why you wear those bandages?” A raspy sigh escaped him, “Yes, though my wounds have healed, I suspect my skin burns like this either by mentality or punishment by God for my many sins. I feel it is God.” 

Suddenly I began to feel light headed; I thought I was going to vomit. Covering my mouth in suspicion of emptying my stomach, I let go of the wall. Losing my footing and balance I began to fall and hard. Before I blacked out into nothingness, I heard Joshua’s gruff voice call out, “Virtue!” 

…

The wind carried across the field just beyond the porch. The sun was setting and causing the clouds to turn all variants of color and hue. Mother stood with her hands on her hips a moment or two as she attempted to capture the beauty of it all on her canvas. 

I was sitting in a chair just behind her, in my lap a large leather bound book full of her drawings. She had warned me earlier not smear, they were drawn with charcoal. Many pages were filled with drawings of me as a baby, my father and animals. I had just flipped the last page and picked up another to explore. 

Upon opening this one, the first few pages were of young people laughing and smiling with names like Jocelyn and Mary Belle. The pages felt older as I flipped. Then a large drawing of a handsome young man with short hair, a square face, sharp nose and strangely enough an intense pair of blue eyes the only thing mother colored in appeared. I stared at him a moment and proceeded to flip the page. 

Page after page filled with this young man she had written his name, Joshua. I called to her, “Mommy, who is Joshua?” She brushed a flare of violet onto the paper, “Joshua…” she turned to face me and saw the drawings in my lap, “Oh…Joshua…he was a really good friend when I was younger.” She kneeled down beside me; I always remember the scents of people, the intensity of sage made me happy. 

Her hair, like my hair was wiry, wild and blonde. I giggled as she looked at the drawings with a warmness, “He is handsome mommy.” She nodded, “Yeah he was, but people change and sometimes not for the best.” Looking into her face, her lips turned down into a frown, “I loved him very much.” I gasped, “But don’t you love daddy?” A smile then graced her beautiful face with a small laugh, “Honey, of course I do. But sometimes you can love other people too, but I don’t love him anymore.” I frowned, “Not even as a friend?” 

She shook her head, “No baby.” I frowned at her, “But you said to love people no matter what.” She wiped a charcoal stain for my cheek, “I will tell you about it when you’re older.” Then I could hear my father calling out to me from a distance. She stood erect narrowing her eyes to see better into the distance, the last few rays of sun, glimmered in the little cross about her neck.


	10. X

My eyes rolled forwards the following morning. I attempted to lift my head, but stayed still upon realizing it felt like a literal ton of bricks. Therefore, I rolled over attempting to find sleep again thinking I had been placed in my own furs. As I tucked my hand under my chin, I came to the realization I was still in the domain of Joshua. 

Just before me, he was finishing wrapping the palms of his hands. I glanced down and saw he had slept in a bedroll not too far off from myself. My eyes jumped back towards Joshua as he began to kneel. He then bowed his head and folded his hands neatly in the front of his chest. 

My heart skipped at his actions, I felt incredibly dirty listening on to his private prayer. My mother had done the same. She would pray in the morning, before meals and before bed. She told me prayers could be personal or something to share, but when personal to be alone with God was a good thing and to respect people’s privacy. 

His voice was soft but resolute as he spoke to God, “O heavenly Father, guide me onto a righteous path. Show me how to guide these people to your love and light. To shield them in your protection and aid them in forgiveness. I give my life and hope to honor you always, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.” 

I gasped and whipped my body around in his bed as he stood. He knew I was awake, “Drink does not suit kindly to you Virtue.” Found out, I rose heavily from the furs, my head pounding I turned back towards him. He was leaning against a wooden table piled high with organized pistols and ammo. He had yet to put on his shirt and vest. 

Though covered, I could see the outline of his muscles defined under the bandages, “You seemed to have enjoyed yourself maybe a little too much last night, how are you feeling?” I lowered my face in shame, “I feel like hell, I don’t normally drink. I am so sorry for what I did last night…I have no idea what overtook me.” 

Still lying in his bed it was majorly silent and we were alone. Biting my lower lip in thought, I finally exhaled and recalled my memory, “My mother said she loved you once. But with what happened in your past I know why she said she didn’t love you any more, what happened to my mother Joshua?” 

Joshua stood absolutely still a moment. His fingers gripped the wood of the table. He turned and took the chair from behind the table carrying it towards me. He set it just a little ways from the bed I lay in. Placing his elbows on his spread knees, he balanced his chin on his interlaced fingers and began his tale. 

… 

After I had captured your mother, she screamed until she was hoarse. Wept until her eyes were dry and yet she still wept. The slavers among my men wished to punish her for her outbursts, but I denied them insisting she would stop after a day or so. 

Indeed she did. She went silent her silence disturbed me. She would lean crumpled in the back of the slave cart. If I hadn’t known any better you would have assumed she was dead. As children together, she was always the liveliest of people but attempting to keep my heart hardened, I ignored her. 

My men were like ravenous wolves who saw an injured fawn they hungered for her. She was exotic with her blonde hair, fair skin, and fairer eyes. An outlier of the many women we found among the tribes of the desert. I threatened them with death if they were to touch her; she was not their property and had yet to be seen by Caesar who may wish to have her first. 

She thought you dead and in comparison, she too considered herself dead. She just sat in the back of the cart and refused to eat or speak. When my men and I were coming ever closer to the main camp, I knew her disobedience would not be tolerated. 

In attempt to keep her alive and after my men complaining yet again of her refusal to eat I took her punishment into my own hands. I struck her; I struck her face until her nose bled and eyes swelled. She did not scream nor did she cry. She did nothing. I screamed at her, “Eat woman! Or do I have to crucify you like the bitch you are!” 

She still resisted. I knew why she was doing this; she had no will left to live. I didn’t know what else to do, so I took her by her neck and pulled her close and whispered into her ear, “I spared your pup, she maybe still alive…though clinging by the edges of her miserable little life.” 

In a moment, she changed a spark that I had recognized from childhood returned in her eyes. That night she attempted to escape. I heard her screams of struggle and the crooked laughter of my ravenous men. When I appeared, they had stripped her almost naked, “Halt!” they all stopped at my command. One of my men confused retorted, “But sir, you have protected this thing long enough, she is just a woman. Nothing more! She is worthless!” 

Pushing past my men, I grabbed her by the arm and dragged her closer to me. I will never forget her words to me, “You may be wearing this blood stained golden armor and this mask of violence now Joshua. But I know God is still within your soul, you may have killed thousands of innocents, you killed my husband, you left my daughter for dead…but I still pray for you. I forgive you Joshua.” 

I stood in shock. My hand tightened about her bicep, she winced slightly in the pain of it. Still overcome with hatred and blinded by violence I called out that she was to be chained to a rock in the desert and left to die. They enacted my orders immediately. 

Days later, on my own I approached the spot we had left her. I thought raiders or animals would have retrieved her. No, one of my men took it upon themselves, came back, and slit her delicate throat. I buried her and for the first time in many years, I offered a prayer. She was beginning to my end of my beginning. A year later, I lost the Battle of Hoover dam. 

…

My stomach was twisted into a million knots. My lungs were heavy and it was hard to breath. Tears continued to down my face like a never-ending faucets. He stood and took my hand limp from my lap; he turned it over placing something into it. 

Ripping myself from his guilt-ridden visage to my palm I saw my mother’s cross and chain she wore around her neck every single day. As he went to say something, further another male voice echoed off the walls of the cavern, “Joshua! I thought we agreed we would not allow the Sorrows to partake in these savage celebrations any further, some of the tribals are still dru-“ 

A young man in a flannel shirt and dark blue jeans appeared. The anger on his features eroded away at the sight of me in Joshua’s bed, “Oh! Excuse me Joshua I didn’t know you had…” Joshua pulled on his shirt, “Daniel, it is nice to see you. If we could please continue this conversation outside.” 

…

I was left alone. So many emotions and sensations coursed through my being. I tossed the cross pendant in my palm. It was truly my mother’s cross; her name engraved in cursive on the back. Suddenly everything began to still, my breath, my blood, my heart. A feeling of extreme clarity rushed over me like cold water, goosebumps rising under my skin. 

My mother who said she no longer loved Joshua came to an epitome so many years ago and forgave Joshua she forgave him! I wanted to forgive him too. Part of me screamed no! He should never be forgiven for his actions, he dealt the command your mother be killed in the first place! However, the other voice, was much louder but calmer and unwaveringly convincing me otherwise. 

Later that day I had found Joshua teaching a few Sorrows on how to properly handle a gun as well as teaching them further English on the side. I stood waiting just outside the gun range until his lessons were over. I had placed my mother’s cross around my neck.

He was the last left in the makeshift gun range cleaning up the shell casings. I was shaking but I was also very sure in myself, “Joshua…” he turned at the sound of my voice, before he could speak I looked him straight in the eyes and screamed convicted, “I forgive you!” immediately I broke down. Years of anger, fear, confusion, and resentment all began to fall from my shoulders. I breathed in heavily as it the world as I once knew it crashed down around me.

Sobbing I fell to my knees as did he. I wailed uncontrollably into his chest. Muffled I whimpered loudly, “I forgive, I forgive you…I really, truly forgive you Joshua.” Joshua held me close and whispered a prayer into the top of my head as I began to feel lighter than a feather, gasping on my own breaths, “O heavenly Father, thank you for thy gift.”


	11. XI

About a week and a half had passed, my wounds that Sun Healer was most concerned of had majorly healed and my limp was almost completely gone when I walked. I was so grateful for her care, she had even brought me a long during those days to sit with the other Dead Horse women who made the potions and powders that healed their sick and wounded. 

I learned so much about tribal life and traditions while also learning a lot about myself. I had forgiven Joshua. Though a part of me still screamed out that I was crazy for having done so, attempting to make me think he was the evil monster under my bed I had made him to be all my life. However, majority of my mind stayed calm and almost freed of this nagging memory of anger and resentment. 

I had also met Daniel the impromptu leader of the Sorrows tribe. A missionary from New Canaan just like Joshua had been many years ago. He was serious and caring almost to a fault. Though they are both Mormons, Daniel argued relentlessly with Joshua over the conversion of the Sorrows and Dead Horses to complete Mormonism, losing all essence of their previous culture. Joshua disagreed and wanted to teach the tribals the way of their God while integrating it with their existing culture. Daniel would get incredibly frustrated as Joshua was like arguing with a steel wall when it came to his Dead Horses especially. 

I sat with Daniel when he would have bible study. Though I still had my preservations over the whole religion thing, I wanted to know more about my mother’s beliefs as she only taught me very little during my childhood. 

One day after study, Daniel stopped me, “Virtue, I noticed you didn’t have your own book to study from. If I may, I would like to give you one seeing as your mom wasn’t able to.” He handed me my own copy of the Book of Mormon. It looked a lot like the one my mother used to carry and had at her bedside, “Thank you so much Daniel, I really do appreciate this.” He smiled sheepishly as I went in for a hug.

…

Joshua mostly kept to himself. He knew all the coming and goings within the valley and Zion itself. His scouts would come from all distances and inform him of the caravans, travelers and wildlife movement. He also had the women and children report to him, making sure everything was running smoothly along the home front as well with any illness, food supply, and more. 

One day I was among the group of Dead Horse warriors who were teaching themselves further proper gun and weapons handling. Joshua kept a tight ship as he approached the gun range. I was leaning on the wooden bench staring the down the sights of my repeater. When I felt his presence behind me, “That is not a good stance what so ever.” 

I stood upright, “Well, I don’t have much practice with it yet.” He took it from my hands and took a proper stance and aim standing instead of leaning as I was doing, “See, you should have control over the weapon rather than the wood or object you’re leaning on.” He handed the gun back to me, “Now you try.” 

I then placed the butt of the gun into the space between my shoulder and armpit and starred down the sights wobbly. Attempted to plant my feet in gaining a better feel, I felt his back against mine. My face flushed red as he gently repositioned the gun and my hands along it, “Now, how does that feel?” his voice made shivers run down my spine, “Better.” He stepped away, “Take aim and fire and see if this position works for you.” 

I aimed and pulled the trigger, hitting just outside the marker. I smiled happily and whirled around to thank him when a group of distressed Dead Horses began calling out Joshua’s name. He immediately ran towards camp while I and the other Dead Horse warriors followed. 

Just inside camp, a few scouts including Follows Chalk had carried in the bleeding body of River Runner. He had bullet wounds in his arms, chest and left leg. I gasped at the sight, he was breathing raggedly in tremendous pain. I was relieved he was alive. Joshua kneeled beside him and began speaking to him in their native dialect. I did not understand the conversation, but then I heard the word Legion. The hairs on my arms rose at this mention. 

Though Caesar liked to think he had killed Joshua, he knew better and sent bands of assassins into Zion to rid his mind of the legend of the Burned Man. Joshua stood and called out to the warriors to follow him. I wanted to help after all the Dead Horses had done for me; I could not stand idly by. 

I pulled my hat closer to my head and took up my repeater ready to defend the tribe. I gathered with the rest of the warriors behind Joshua when he caught sight of me. He immediately protested, “No Virtue, you need to stay behind with the women, they may need help with River Runner’s injuries.” I stopped him, “I want to go with you. I am of no help to heal River Runner, his injuries are far beyond what I know to do and well, I am not afraid of any Legion…at least not anymore.” 

One of the warriors whose name was Silence Bringer patted my shoulder in acceptance of my help. Though indifferent Joshua allowed me to come along as we headed down the river to find the Legion who had come for his head.


	12. XII

The scouts had spotted the Legion camp after night had fallen. The smoke and torch light giving them away just a few pegs from where they had attacked poor River Runner. We all had made our way to the cliff behind the encampment. Joshua peered down through his binoculars and scoffed, “Another frumentarii and his young assassins…” 

We all hunkered down in the darkness and watched the camp until the fire and the activity began to slowly die down. Joshua told me to stay behind over on the cliff side to enact as a sniper to watch everyone’s backs with the longer range of my repeater. 

I watched through the binoculars as Joshua stealthily entered the frumentarii’s tent, their leader. My heart suddenly stopped at the sound of his pistol firing. This was the cue; the Dead Horse warriors immediately began to slaughter the sleeping Legion. 

Joshua exited the tent with the frumentarii’s body in his grasp. Blood pouring from the wound in the side of his head, it was trickling down into the fur of his coyote hood. Then with scary precision, he began to pick off the scared and running Legion soldiers who obviously no longer cared about their mission but to escape Zion with their lives. That was not going to happen. 

I realized my breath had come ragged in excitement watching the violent scene unfold. Joshua covered in blood and the look in his eyes almost insane with violence. After the last, few soldiers were rounded up and executed. I joined the group of victorious warriors in the decimated camp. 

Joshua still holding onto the body of the frumentarii handed it over to Silence Bringer and spoke to him in their tongue in a commanding tone. Like slicing bread for breakfast, he easily and as nonchalantly decapitated the corpse and with a sharpened spear from another warrior, he placed the head atop it. He stuck the pike just outside the slaughtered camp as a reminder and warning to any further Legion party to enter there or come looking for their brethren. 

Joshua approached me as he instructed the rest of warriors to gather anything useful from the camp to bring back as supplies. I did not have to fire my weapon once during the whole ordeal, I held the barrel of my gun to my chest, my knuckles were white I was gripping it so tightly. 

He looked down upon me with an intense anger, but it began to mellow as he spoke, “By God’s will and if I his hand, I will not allow anyone to threaten these people or this valley.” 

… 

I thought for sure I would be scared of Joshua heading back to the Eastern Virgin. But I had an altogether different feeling. My head felt floaty and my fingertips were tingling. My skin was electric with a strange sensation. 

When we had made it home Joshua immediately checked in on River Runner. Sun Healer informed him he would live with a lot of a rest and a close eye on his wounds. Joshua then looked over his shoulder at me and sat himself at the fire. 

I had snuck off by myself further down the river as the whispers and chatter among the excited Dead Horses calmed to sleep. Even Joshua leaning against a log had nodded off arms crossed. I went towards the more private part of the river where women would bathe during the day. I felt I needed a bath and maybe it would kill this strange sensation in my skin. 

…

I slowly stripped down. The moonlight glittered in the water as a breeze caressed my skin causing goose pimples on my arms and legs. The air had only intensified the sensations that seemed to be buzzing under my flesh. I had only felt this way a couple of times in my life. 

When I was fifteen Colt the Great Khan had joined Atticus and the rest of our caravan to travel elsewhere after his parents attempted to forcefully get him addicted to jet. I had an immense crush on him, as he was the only boy around my age I had been around for a longer period other than a few hours in a town or outpost. 

We had both snuck off one night while the adults were not aware of us and he had begun to kiss me he even shoved his hand up my shirt to grab at my breasts. I felt the same way now as I did then, a rush of hormones but I was not being touched intimately this time. 

I never was physical with anyone. I had never made love in my life because I was never truly in love with someone. Atticus protected my mind and body in teaching me I was worth more than what my body could offer and that being with someone in that way was special to share and not something to just throw away. He wanted to protect me from the fate of so many other women in the wastes. 

I stood at the edge of the water ankle deep. The ripples ringing around my feet. Illuminated by the bright moonlight I began to think on Joshua, his voice, his scent, his warmth when he had helped me aim my gun. The muscles under his bandages, his blue eyes, his devotion. Without thinking, I dipped my fingers down my hips towards my center. 

My sex ached agonizingly when I suddenly slipped my digits in between my folds I was completely wet. I sucked in air hard at the pleasurable relief. Finding the little nub of flesh that beckoned me, I slowly began to rub the spot. 

My toes dug into the pebbles of the shore as I continued. I was lost in my thoughts when I imagined it was Joshua’s hand between my legs and not my own. I whimpered at this fantasy rubbing a bit faster. My chest lifted and lowered with my excited breaths, it felt amazing. 

Then I thought if he would whisper sweet nothings into my ear as his body overtook my own. Never having felt this sensation, I tumbled and almost drowned in my orgasm. I moaned loudly and gasped like a fish on the shore; liquid rolled down my thighs and rippled the water around me. 

My body felt warm and the knot in my abdomen was released but was still slightly coiled as I took my hand away it was slick with my juices. I was heady in the afterglow of my orgasm. I gasped for breath when I heard the sound of branches breaking I was no longer alone! 

Joshua’s voice graced my ears, “Virtue are you…” he or a tribal must have heard my moaning. Still ankle deep in the water I stood nude, the phosphorescent moonlight illuminated my form I felt as though I was glowing. He had caught sight of me, but did not immediately turn away when realizing I was naked. 

I wanted him to watch me. His gaze was glued to me as I pulled my hair from the braid I wore. Pulling my waves over my shoulder like an ancient Grecian nymph I slowly made my way into the water. It was cold but felt amazing against my still flushed skin. 

My eyes still on him I dunked my head allowing the water to completely envelope me. I rose back up allowing only my shoulders and head to be revealed in the sheet of water. Joshua stared a few more moments. My disappearing from camp and loud moans must have lured him here thinking something was wrong. 

He kneeled down a moment or two. No words were spoken as he watched me play in the water. He then made his way to the edge of the river dipping his hands into the water washing his palms, “I’m sorry for my intrusion. Be careful on your way back.” With that, I watched him disappear into the shade of the mountains. 

I wondered if he hungered for me like I did for him?


	13. XIII

A few days had passed since my late night encounter with Joshua. Within these few days, he had become distant and cold to me. Anytime I attempted to approach him, he would find someone or something to distract him and send me away striking an order in a harsh voice. 

I was a little confused in his change of manner towards me. Maybe he was punishing me for being ungodly. I thought on it as I washed vegetables and husked maize with the women at the riverside. As I watched a few women with baskets gathering fish from traps in the distance, I heard Daniel’s voice speaking with one of the Sorrows. 

He then began towards the Angel Cave to speak with Joshua. I suspected he had come to retrieve some of the Sorrows Warriors to come back to the Narrows and spread their knowledge of protection among the rest of their tribe. Just as well, Daniel was attempting more and more to lead the Sorrows towards Mormonism and needed them all in one place to do so. 

I had abandoned my post at the riverside when Sun Healer and another Dead Horse who spoke English pulled me aside to teach me more of their language. I giggled as they poked fun at my accent and the funny way I pronounced their words when Daniel approached, “Virtue, Joshua told me you had come to the valley initially looking for the New Canaanites. Groups of survivors are attempting to rebuild. But they need help.” I listened as he continued, “They need a connection in the Mojave as well as more caravan guards…would you be interested?” 

I attempted to feign excitement at his proposal and with a big fake smile I replied, “That sounds amazing! Tell them I will be happy to join them to the Mojave!” Daniel blessed me and explained the Mormons were still currently gathering goods and organizing and that they would inform me of a meeting point through him within at least a week. 

I had fallen in love in more ways than just one during my short time in Zion. The prospect of leaving was absolutely heart breaking. I thought I was going crazy; Daniel’s offer was more than I could ever dreamt of as a new upstart caravan guard. 

Now the prospect of leaving this paradise was heavy. I again attempted to hide my tears, I was never good at doing so when Sun Healer crouched beside me and hugged me tightly. In silence she let me weep, she too sniffled not wanting me to leave either. 

…

After night had fallen, I lay in my lean to wrapped up in my furs watching the fire die down, I couldn’t sleep. I then heard the crunching of pine as Joshua exited the mouth of his cave and headed towards the dying flames. Gently he threw a few logs to feed its warmth. 

I then quietly lifted my furs and stood walking quietly towards Joshua’s crouched body. He then spat at my approach, “Virtue, go back to bed, you will need your rest…I told Daniel you would be making your way to the Narrows tomorrow.” My heart stopped at his words, he was sending me away? I responded, “But, Daniel told me they would send for me here.” Joshua stood his back still towards me, “I thought it would be easier if you were already there in camp when they arrived…plus it’s about a day’s walk to the Narrows from here…I will be sending Follows Chalk with you as a guide.” 

He then without looking at me once began to walk away from me. Anger boiled in my stomach, I could not stand being ignored even as a child I hated it! I marched close behind him as he made his way back towards the Angel Cave, “Why are you treating me like a piece of shit! I don’t deserve this…is this about the other night!” He continued to ignore me; just before he made his way into the cave, I went to grab his forearm. 

To my surprise, he spun around on his heel and grabbed me instead. He shoved me against the stone of the mountain. His face was so close to my own. My heart was fluttering, beating like a rabbit on jet. I slowly raised my eyes to meet his. He was intensely looking through me, searing my soul. 

He spoke, his voice a gruff whisper, “Virtue, I don’t think you understand you have awoken a side of myself I’d rather keep hidden...you don’t even realize this feeling I have towards you, it could be…volatile.” I whispered in response, “Joshua I think I, I-“I didn’t continue my thought and pressed my lips against his. My lips gently caressed the rough bandages, though I could still feel the flesh of his lips behind them. 

To my absolute surprise, he pulled the bandages away from his mouth and returned my kiss slowly deepening it. With his coaxing, I opened my mouth to him as his tongue explored my mouth. I moaned as he continued to kiss me and pepper kisses along my jaw line. 

My arms at my sides he caressed my neck. The only thing keeping me upright was his body pressing against my own. I was so light headed and filled with arousal I could barely form a coherent thought. I felt his hand fumbling with the buttons of my shirt when suddenly and sharply he hollered, “NO!” I gasped, my face flushed as he stepped away from me. 

Pulling the bandages back over his delicious lips, he lowered his head in shame, “I’m sorry Virtue…” He then backed away from me my heart sinking, needing him to consume the space in front of me again. He retreated from the camp in the darkness of the mountains, I knew better than to follow him.


	14. XIV

The morning air was crisp. The first frost glittered the tops of the trees and the splays of grass. The feeling of Joshua’s kisses still stung my lips like the pepper flakes off a piece of spiced meat. I had not slept and sat curled up by myself watching the fire die as the sun began to rise. 

Joshua had returned. He did not even glance upon me. I could feel a shame radiating from him. I looked down at the worn toes of my leather boots and wondering why he felt so ashamed for his feelings towards me. I wanted to ask him myself and followed him. 

As I entered Joshua’s cavern he was not seated at his reloading table, instead he was on his knees furiously praying. I choked at his reverent words, “My God, dear Lord, rid me of this lust, this disgusting want. I do not wish to hurt her like I have done so many women of my past…I killed Charity…I killed her…” I attempted to adjust myself to leave when a rock crunched loudly under my foot. 

He immediately stood, “VIRTUE! What are you still doing here!? You should already be heading to the Narrows as I instructed.” I clenched my hands, my fingernails diggings into my palms, pinching the skin, my words trembled as I spoke, “My mom forgave you Joshua and somehow I forgave you too, you don’t need to feel this guilt anymore.” 

Joshua slammed his fists onto the wooden table, guns and ammo clattered onto the cavern floor, “I haven’t forgiven myself.” He then angrily swiped the rest of the table’s contents to the ground, “Every time I look at you Virtue, I see your mother, a girl I had once cared for. But she ran away with your father…leaving me.” 

I was scared, the anger and hurt was heavy in the air as he stepped closer to me, “After Ed-Caesar filled my head with his lies and hatred I felt the most sickening feeling of revenge in capturing your mother and killing your father. Her forgiveness of me was something incredibly bitter in my mouth and it has been since…I thought I could get past that but I cannot forgive myself for that hatred and spite…I cannot allow myself to love you Virtue.” 

I was silent as he collected himself turning his back to me, “Please go, Follows Chalk must be waiting for you by now…” My heart screamed for me to stay, but I allowed my body to turn and walk away. 

… 

I bid farewell to my newfound family. Sun Healer and the other women bestowed upon me prayers of safe travels and weepy hugs of good-bye. A few of the Dead Horses followed as Follows Chalk led me down the river away from the camp, I waved good-bye attempting a smile as they disappeared behind the valley of the Eastern Virgin. 

Follows Chalk normally talkative and friendly seemed quiet and contemplative as he led me through Zion towards the Narrows. Due to our late start, we had to stop for the night and set up camp. We set up camp at a prewar site where rusted Airstreams still sat. 

Follows Chalk had caught some fish and began to start a fire when I explored the contents of one of the campers. In the clutches of a skeleton was a suitcase. With my boot knife, I pried the suite case open. I rifled through the contents and to my surprise, I found a beautiful eyelet summer dress. I pulled it out and there was some water damage to the hem, but it was in surprisingly good condition. 

I had not owned a dress since I was a little girl. I put it on and it almost fit perfectly, the thin straps were a little too big and drifted down my shoulder as I crawled out of the Airstream to show Follows Chalk my find. The hem of the dress met knee length as I swirled around, “What do you think?” He was blushing a bit, “You look very pretty.” I smiled, “Thank you! Do you think I should keep it?” He nodded handing me a skewer with a grilled fish. 

As I sat with Follows Chalk enjoying our dinner he caught he seemed to finally speak what he was mulling over in his mind all day, “I do not think you should leave Virtue, you’re a good disciple of New Canaan and you’re a great friend to us Dead Horses…you should stay.” I allowed a small grin to grace my features at his pleading, “I kind of don’t want to leave, but I already promised Daniel I would join the New Canaanites on their journey…plus I don’t think Joshua wants me around.” 

Follows Chalk threw his skewer in the fire angrily, “No, you stay if you wish to stay, we can convince Joshua otherwise!” I shook my head in response, “Its okay Follows Chalk, it’s not like I’ll be gone forever, I just can’t live here anymore…” Follows Chalk wiped away tears before they could crest in his eyes, “Virtue you should stay…” 

… 

Oh, how I wanted to stay, but I did not. I followed Follows Chalk to the entrance of the Narrows where Daniel and a group of New Canaanites were waiting, “Virtue! I thought I was going to fetch you…” I smiled, “There has been a change of plans, Joshua said that it would be best if I met you here.” I turned to Follows Chalk who was attempting to hold back his disappointment in our arrival to the Narrows and not back to the Eastern Virgin. 

I gave him a big hug and thanked him for his protection and guidance, “Please, do not be long until your next visit, I will miss you greatly.” He then headed off back into the wilderness. Daniel then introduced me to the Mormons. Some of the older traveler’s had known my mother and were astonished how much I resembled her. 

Daniel then informed he too was going to join the caravan, though he would head back to Zion afterwards only entrusting the safety of the Sorrows to Joshua for so long. I thought this strange and he was acting a bit strange as well. He was excited and nervous I suspected from the prospect of traveling to a new place. 

…

A few days had past and we had not yet left Zions giant expanse. The older Mormons in the group told me stories about my mother and how wonderful she was, though in spite of her father being a bishop she had a rather rebellious spirit, but an unwavering faith in their God. 

One of the older women was named Jocelyn a name I remembered from my mother’s sketchbooks from years ago. She was kind and a little soft spoken but approached me in the morning at breakfast. She offered to pray and say grace over my meal with me as a hello. I thanked her graciously, “It’s amazing just how much you look like your mother, it stunned me a bit, and I thought maybe Charity had found the fountain of youth.” She chuckled to herself, “Charity and I were inseparable when we were kids.” 

I picked at my food, as she continued, “I was so sad when she disappeared. Her father was trying to get her to marry another bishop’s son that she didn’t even know…you know back in those days they sometimes arranged marriages and well your mom said NO and ran off with a trader who had gotten a liking to her…your daddy.” She went quiet a moment, “I never saw Joshua Graham more heartbroken than the day he realized Charity was never coming back…I think he always loved her but never had the gumption to say it.” 

I was quiet and whispered, “Joshua loved my mom very much didn't he?” Jocelyn covered her mouth in surprise at her words, “Oh, well…I can’t say for sure but they were always close as kids in school, we all were in our group. But Joshua had already been courting another girl his mother approved of…his mom thought Charity was a little too wild for her youngest and brightest son.” I smirked, I guess I know where I got my spirit from, “Not long after your mom left is when those Followers of Apocalypse came and Joshua left with them…and we all know what happened then…well, I will leave you be honey its good to have you and God bless you.” 

I thought on Jocelyn’s words a bit when Daniel stood and nervously called out, “Before anyone is ready to leave this morning, I have a question for Virtue.” Confused I stopped packing my bag as he approached me, “Virtue, you’re a brave, smart, resourceful woman and I thought maybe you would like to be married…” 

My heart leapt into my throat and I almost gagged at his words in shock. He then kneeled before me, “Virtue will you be my wife?” He offered a homemade copper ring. I had no idea he had any kind of romantic feelings towards me at all, “Oh my gosh Daniel, I had no idea you felt this way…” I could see his hands shaking as well as sweat beading on his brow. 

The rest of the Mormons seemed to be holding their breath at my answer, “I don’t know…” the air escaped from their collective lungs like an old deflating balloon. Daniel stood pocketing his ring, “That’s okay, you needn’t answer right now…please think on it.” My face flushed red as I turned away from Daniel in confusion. 

I had no idea Daniel at all felt love towards me. We had spent time at bible studying sessions and shared stories and experiences when he visited the Eastern Virgin. However, I felt nothing romantic between our interactions…I thought we were just fast friends. 

As night fell, I avoided Daniel at all costs. His eyes were on me all day like needles in the back of my head. When everyone had fallen asleep in the shade of night, I gathered my belongings and hoped Daniel and the rest of New Canaanites could offer me forgiveness as I ran back to my paradise and to Joshua.


	15. XV

I was almost half way down the mountain away from camp when I stopped and turned back. Atticus had to be more than worried about me. Knowing him like I did he would have gone and checked on me at the Crimson Caravan offices. He would then realize I was no longer there and disappeared. 

Though I really wanted to go back to the depths of Zion, I had unfinished business in Vegas. I could never leave Atticus wondering where I had gone and if I was dead, I had promised to send word or visit when I had a chance. I had to let him know I wanted to settle in the mountains of Utah with the Mormons. 

Making my way back to camp I rolled out my sleeping bag as quietly as possible. As I laid quiet I cried, I was leaving Zion behind and was taking the chance of maybe never coming back. 

The journey was just as treacherous as it was with Levi, Nancy and Frances. I had not known them long but I would forever hold their memory in my heart. Daniel kept his distance at first, but as the days and nights passed, approached me more and more. 

One night just outside the border of Nevada Daniel began to explain to me that many Mormons would marry out of necessity. That love grew in a way of a bond of friendship and family. He was trying to convince me in his marriage proposal, “I know you don’t want to stay in the Mojave any more or wonder the wastes for that matter. You love Zion…come back with me.” 

I denied him again, “I can’t Daniel, I don’t even know if I could love you. I love someone else.” I sighed angrily, “That person unfortunately may never love me back…I am just a sick person Daniel.” Daniel then looked over his shoulder to make sure our conversation was completely private; “You love Joshua don’t you?” I went completely silent, not wanting to deny or confirm my emotions. 

Daniel continued in a low voice, “Virtue, Joshua though he tries to do good is still a broken and angry man. I don’t even know if he will even allow himself to feel that kind of emotion again.” I turned away as again my tears started, I hated my tears, why was I such an absolute crybaby? 

I felt Daniel’s hand on my shoulder, gently gripping it, “Joshua has told me a lot about his past and the guilt he feels when it comes to women…I mean he enslaved your mother, a fellow New Canaanite.” Wiping my nose with the back of my hand, I whispered, “But I forgave him.” 

Daniel placed his ring on a rock beside me and without another word left. I attempted to ignore the gesture but then snatched it up. I rolled it around in my palm. It looks as though one of the Sorrows had crafted it with used shell casings and placed a pretty singular piece of turquoise in its center. 

Daniel was offering me a comfortable life with devotion, faith, and community as a wife of a New Canaanite and a man of God. He was caring and understanding almost to a fault. He would make someone a wonderful husband, but the feeling and passion of Joshua’s lips on mine is what I wanted and needed. 

…

I held onto the ring, but I did not wear it or mention it the rest of the way into Nevada. The New Canaanites told me after we had reached the Mojave outpost they would inform the NCR and other traders of their new settlement, opening up safe and reliable trade routes back into Utah again. 

When word had been passed around and paper work was filed with the NCR they would then pack up and head on their way back to New Ogden to their upstart settlement of survivors. Jocelyn told me the head of the caravan wanted to stay at least two weeks in the hopes of gathering more supplies and money for a safe passage back. 

Jocelyn asked about the proposal and my joining them back to New Ogden, “I am going back to Zion with you all.” Jocelyn smiled and clapped her hands, “Oh my goodness you and Daniel are going to make a wonderful couple!” I realized she mistook my words, “Oh no, I am not going to marry Daniel…actually I need to talk with him.” 

Jocelyn pointed me in his direction. Daniel was offering the word of Christ to a few NCR troops when I approached, “Oh please excuse me gentlemen, I will be in the commissary later today if you would like to know more on the word of God.” Smiling he stepped towards me, I took his hand and placed his ring in his palm, “Daniel you will make a fantastic husband, but I am so sorry I would be doing you a grave disservice if I were to be your wife…I can’t marry you.” 

He tipped his hat in order to hide his face, “No, no it’s okay, thank you for your honesty.” I told him I would join them back to Utah in two weeks and that I had to visit my adoptive father in New Vegas. I waved goodbye as I headed back into the familiar lands of the ruthless Mojave. 

… 

When I opened the door of Atticus’ suite, it was quiet aside from the radio softly playing behind the bar. I heard hurried footsteps rounding the corner into the living area. Atticus appeared and the look of love and relief made me run into his arms. He hugged me tightly. I could hear him choking on his tears. In this familiar and warm embrace, I felt like a little girl again. 

We sat and talked a while. He confirmed my theory in his worry. He had sent word for me to the Crimson Caravan after so many days of no letters or whispers of my whereabouts. They had sent him a letter back informing they had let me go. He had then asked a few friends to keep an eye out for me. 

He thought I was dead and that all of his leads heard and seen nothing and they traveled far from California, to Arizona, some of Utah and of course Nevada. If I wasn’t seen between so much expanse he was sure I was dead. He had almost given up hope on ever finding me or my body. 

I told him almost everything, masking Joshua as a normal New Canaanite missionary. Atticus rubbed his chin in thought, “Sounds like you kind of really like this missionary fella…you thinking on leaving your old man behind again?” 

I attempted to hide my blushing face, “Yeah, I have never felt more at home than I did in Zion…” I quickly added, “Well of course aside from being with you Atticus. You’ve always made where ever we were a home.” He chuckled, his voice gruff as always, “I am so happy you’re okay Little Lady.”

…

I was enjoying catching up with Atticus and telling him all about the tribals, the beauty of the valley, their culture and every little detail during my time with them. Completely omitting Joshua of course. It was getting late and I saw Atticus feigning a yawn. I giggled, “Are you getting tired old man?” He chuckled, “Yes I am an old man and yes I am getting tired.” 

After putting Atticus to bed, I could not sleep there was too much on my mind. I decided to head down to the busy gambling floor of The Tops to down a few drinks and forget a while. At first, I was simply people watching when I decided to spend a few caps on a slot machine, the only thing I really understood in the world of gambling. 

As I won a few slots, the screaming voice of an angry woman sliced the good time mood of the casino floor. I twirled around in my stool towards the hollering woman. She was in a beautiful black velvet dress, barefoot her heels in her hand, “FUCK OFF BENNY!” Benny the owner slash leader of The Tops was following her close behind. 

Benny had no shirt on bare chested and was attempting to buckle his belt a complete spectacle to his patrons and employees. He pleaded the woman, “Lana baby no wait! Come back, it isn’t what you think!” I gasped when she pulled a gun from under the skirt of her dress, pointing it at him. This woman was insane! 

I looked around; none of Benny’s goons were coming to his aid? Their argument began to quiet and Benny talked her down taking her gun and placing it in his back pocket. He then lifted her up into his arms carrying this Lana woman back towards the elevators. They were passionately kissing the whole way and the casino settled back down like nothing had happened. Must be some kind of daily occurrence with Benny's new pretty squeeze.

…

A few days had passed and I knew it would take the rest of my time in the Mojave to get back to the outpost to meet up with the New Canaanites. I began to pack my things one morning, attempting to do so as quietly as possible when Atticus woke. 

I looked back at him, his face sagged in disappointment. He had forgotten I was going to leave so soon, after my getting there. I jumped up and gave him the biggest and tightest hug I could muster. He placed a gentle kiss on my forehead not knowing if this would be our final meeting. 

After sharing a meal, Atticus then offered me a large amount of caps for my journey. I attempted to deny his offer, “Now listen here, I am your father Little Lady…let me help you…this maybe the last chance I can.” I took the cache of caps and placed them in my pack. 

Just before exiting the suite, I turned back around and gave him another hug. Atticus was getting quite old and I was not sure if I was ever going to set foot back in New Vegas let alone Nevada and I wanted to make sure I would remember him and our time.

I let a few bittersweet tears escape the corners of my eyes but finally released Atticus and began my journey back to Joshua and Zion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made mention to Lana ( my courier ) and Benny in this chapter as a little hint towards another fic I am currently working on as a side work to this one. 
> 
> This is a little bit of a longer chapter, I am hoping my readers are continuing to enjoy...as things will be getting spicy soon. 
> 
> Thank you!


	16. XVI

When we arrived, back in Zion the air had cooled and to my surprise dusting of white snow appeared on the ground and trees. The seasons still changed here unlike the relentless heat and sun of the Mojave. 

Daniel informed me it was much easier to travel among Zion during the winter as majority of the wild life either fled the mountains for warmer areas or hibernated. However, the cold could be a challenge for survival and food forging. 

I wore a scarf over my hair and under my hat. I did not have a lot of clothing to shield me from the cold aside from my poncho and the leather duster Atticus had given me. A New Canaanite had given me gloves from their provisions saying fingers were the first go in the cold. Daniel and I split off from the caravan as they headed further past Zion towards New Ogden. Daniel offered to join me back to the Eastern Virgin; I took him up on his offer. 

After a few more hours of walking after such a long journey, we were greeted by the giant painting of Joshua slaying any intruders or threats on the cliff side just before the entrance of camp. A few women could be seen just beyond the breadth of the river. 

They were clothed in leather that looked to be waxed to keep the water from soaking them to the bone. Fur hats on their heads, it was so strange seeing them so clothed and barely any of their skin showing under the suits as they waded in the water for fish. 

Daniel asked if he could join me in greeting Joshua. I denied him in the kindest way, but I could tell he was still hurt as he offered a solemn farewell and began his way back to the Narrows and the Sorrows that surely missed him. 

I didn’t immediately go to camp but approached the women fishing in the river. They immediately recognized me and it made my heart sing as they were so happy at my return. In my best attempt, I told them in their language not to tell Joshua yet of my arrival back. 

They understood thankfully gesturing hushed words by placing their index fingers to their puckered “sshhing” lips. I made my way towards a small fire the fisher women had made at the edge of the river. I attempting to dry off the best I could. 

As I sat warming myself, a few scouts appeared from the brush. They too like the women were head to toe in furs and leather. They wore hoods much like frumentarii of the Legion but made of a Big Horner pelt. One of them broke rank upon seeing me; I knew all too well it was Follows Chalk. He pulled down his hood and ran to give me a hug, “I am so glad you’re back…does Joshua know?” I shook my head in response, “No, I haven’t been past this point yet. But knowing him, he probably already knows.” 

Follows Chalk took my hand, “I will go in with you!” I denied him, “No go, I just need a little while longer.” He understood and left me to catch up with the rest of the scouts up river. 

…

The sun was beginning to set when the women had packed up their catch and began to leave. One of the fisher women left me a few fish and logs for the fire I was still sitting at before leaving. I thanked her graciously. 

I wasn’t hungry at all, I was the exact opposite. I was excited, but I was also very nervous! I didn’t know how Joshua might react to me. I threw a few of the logs onto the fire and watched as the moon rose higher into the sky.

The night had become colder and a light snow began to fall. Collecting on my shoulders. I then huddled under a dilapidated lean to. I pulled my poncho closer to my body, on my boot knife I started to roast a fish. 

As I sat by my lonesome and with my thoughts with the hush of the winter air and wind, I felt a presence. I stood and my heart stopped, Joshua was standing at the edge of the river just beyond. I didn’t hear him come up the river. His blue eyes pierced me as he slowly approached the campfire that I was seriously thinking of sleeping at for the night. 

He was wearing a long woven poncho that was lined with some kind of fur. It was pulled close to his body shielding it from the whipping winter wind. I stood slowly, waiting apprehensively on his reaction to my return. My voice shaky I greeted him, "Hello Joshua." He tersely responded to me, "You shouldn't have come back here Virtue." 

I lowered my head in shame not knowing what else to say. The wind howled as we stood still a moment, the tension thick between us. Joshua passed by me and grabbed a tin bucket the Dead Horse women had left the fish in for me and filled it with water from the river. 

He tossed the water over the fire, it sizzled and sputtered, "Come with me to camp, this snow is not letting up anytime soon and this lean to is not suitable for this weather." Picking up my pack I followed Joshua up the river. 

His back was to me and I attempted not to stare too much into the back of his head, wishing I had the power to read thoughts. I couldn't read him at all, I was unsure what he felt towards my return after our last conversation. But his cold shoulder was even more bitter than the winds that howled among the mountains.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated the chapter ending, as I thought the previous greeting was a little out of character for Joshua and I was heading in a slightly different direction with the next chapter. 
> 
> Thank you for the continued reads and look forward to the next chapter soon!


	17. XVII

The Dead Horse camp became visible at the breadth of the river after a long silent walk up the freezing cold current. I was chilled to the absolute bone as my eyes grazed over the silent encampment. I was surprised to see a group of small huts comprised of leathers, prewar tarps and clay replaced the lean-tos for the winter. 

The huts had small chimneys made of clay and river stones. The chimneys billowed puffs of smoke into the clear cold winter air. Though majorly silent, I could hear whispers and snores of the tribals that lay comfortably inside of them. 

Joshua continued towards the Angel Cave. Panels lined with animal pelts in attempt to keep in the heat and fight off the dreadful cold blocked off the inner cavern where he called home. A small fire was built in the middle of Joshua’s domain with a prewar kettle and iron pot ready for cooking. 

The room smelled of gunpowder, fire, as well as one of my favorite calming scents of sage. I saw a few dried bundles near the fire. Joshua pulled out a metal chair for me to sit in. I continued to shiver placing my hands above the dimming coals. 

He placed a few logs onto the embers and filled the kettle with water. As he placed the kettle onto a grate above the fire, a Dead Horse night watchman came running into the cavern. From what little I could understand, something had spooked the Big Horners. 

Joshua pulled his poncho over his shoulders once more, “Stay here Virtue, I will be right back.” I nodded as he followed the night watchmen towards the exit at the back of the cavern. I continued to attempt to warm myself, but my sodden clothing were preventing my attempts altogether. 

I grabbed my pack and the only other clothing had was the eyelet summer dress I had found a couple months prior with Follows Chalk. I pulled the dainty piece of clothing from my pack, it was the best that would do for now. 

I stripped down and placed my wet clothes on a nearby rock to dry. I slipped into the dress pulling my somewhat dry poncho over my shoulders to act as a blanket. Barefoot I padded back towards the fire and placed my socks on two of the many rocks that lined the fire pit. 

I chose to sit on the ground nearest the fire, my knees pulled close to my chest. I watched the flames, entranced by the beauty of their dance. The wind howled outside with an eerie song. This cold was an all-new experience; Atticus never faired the winters and chose to strictly trade in the Mojave during the winter months. 

I was becoming rather tired, but kept my eyes on the fire, twirling my mother’s cross around my neck. I knew had to be dreaming when I saw the flames beginning to form the figure of a person. My eyes focused on the figure, a man. My mouth opened in amazement and horror. 

The man engulfed in flame tore at his body, flailing, tearing, and running, finally falling to his knees. He grabbed his head and screamed, the scream of anger rattled me awake. I gasped looking around I heard footsteps, Joshua had returned. 

I stood from my spot allowing my poncho to fall from my shoulders. Joshua’s eyes were immediately on me. Self-consciously I pulled at the short hem of my skirt. His gaze was alarming, hungry, almost terrifying but also exciting.

He threw his poncho to the side his eyes never leaving me. He strode swiftly across the cavern floor towards me. I allowed a breathy gasp to escape me as he entwined his hand into the damp tendrils of my hair pulling my head back sharply. 

He revealed his lips and pressed a hungry forceful kiss on my mouth.


	18. XVIII

He continued to assault my mouth with rough lust filled kisses, his fingers pulling at my damp hair, my locks intertwined in his bandaged fingers. His tongue ran along my bottom lip evoking me to open to him, I did so with a gentle whimper as his tongue invaded me playing a twisted tango inside of my mouth. 

His hand traveled down my back to the curve of my ass. He pulled at the fabric of the small white dress. He grabbed a handful of my soft skin, I moaned and then yelped when he slapped my bared behind. Without warning he lifted me from the ground I wrapped my arms around his neck as he placed me on the wooden table where guns clattered to the floor from where I now sat. 

My face was completely flushed, my chest heaving in excitement as he stood back from me. His eyes roved my body. I wondered what he would do next, I was so ignorant in my sexuality and the act itself. He closed the space between us once more and violently shoved my skirt to my waist. 

Gently he took my knees and spread them, I was completely open to him as he stepped between my quivering thighs. His hands gripping my thighs he placed gentle feathery kisses on my neck. My head was floating as if I had been drinking wine all night.

He squeezed my thighs tightly, sinking his thumbs into the sensitive skin on the inside of my upper leg. I attempted not to wince in pain. Apparently, this was not the reaction he wanted as he sunk his teeth into the juncture of my neck and shoulder. 

I hissed at the pain but moaned loudly as he soothed the bite with his tongue. While I was distracted, he forcefully pulled the top of my dress to my waist. The straps pinning my wrists to my sides. I gripped the edge of table, my finger nails running along the grain in anticipation. 

My eyes watering I slowly raised them to investigate his stare, I whispered in a raspy voice my throat dry, “Joshua…” He grabbed my face and whispered against my lips, “What do you want you filthy sinner?” I licked my dry lips, “I want you…” He allowed a smirk to trace his expression. 

He slowly kneeled before my spread legs. Immediately and self-consciously I closed my legs. Joshua shook his head in disapproval spreading my knees while he was on his. I gasped loudly when I felt his lips gently press against my center. With his tongue, he languidly began to pleasure me in ways I never experienced or knew possible. 

When my moans became too loud, echoing off the walls of the cavern he bit the inside of my thigh and hushed me. He obviously didn’t want anyone intruding on our tryst. He continued the intoxicating sucking, kissing and lapping. I could feel my orgasm burgeoning to its peak. 

I made the mistake of announcing my pleasure, “Oh my God Joshua I’m almost there…please.” Unmercifully Joshua retreated from me and stood. Wordlessly he began to unbuckle his jeans. My eyes were glued to his hands as he pulled his hard cock from his pants. The skin had some scarring, but from what I could see around his waist that was exposed, his burns were less severe…maybe it was from the way he fell? 

I was brought back when Joshua stepped towards me. Pulling me closer to the edge of the table and his hips. I could feel the head of his dick at my entrance, completely slicked and ready when I embarrassingly squeaked, “I’m a virgin!” I looked up to his face, not knowing what to expect. 

With an even tone he responded, “I’m going to change that.” He pulled my hips forward and I immediately enveloped him. I could feel a slight pinch, as my body adjusted to being entered this way. I was so utterly and completely aroused that I had no pain that so many other women had told me about when they described their first encounter. 

I whined in desire when Joshua began to move. He groaned a little as he did so, making my heart flutter that I was giving him pleasure breaking the normally stoic stone of a man he was. I laid my back on the table wanting Joshua to completely overtake me. He grabbed my hips and began an even rhythm. My breasts bounced and I was exalted as he took my long held innocence. 

Watching Joshua fuck me, the sound of our passion, the feeling of him inside of me, possessing me I couldn’t hold back. I came hard and very quickly. My walls clenched around him, I attempted to hold back my moans as my body was washed over in pleasure. I was writhing in what a New Vegas prostitute had called le petite mort. I screamed out to the heavens, “Oh my God Joshua, Joshua, Joshua!”

Joshua was riding out my orgasm, his rhythm becoming quickened and uneven. He had me pinned to the table by leaning atop me, his hands gripping the sides of the tabletop to do so. He groaned and grunted as he his own orgasm built, pounding into me our skin slapping together in a dirty symphony.

My body was on fire and over stimulated when he retracted from my dripping sex. I felt a warm liquid splatter my lower stomach as he moaned low in his chest his cock in his hand finishing off the last tendrils of orgasm. Joshua was right, never like him to lie…I was no longer a virgin.


End file.
